


this is not the end of me, this is the beginning

by Spannah339



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Good Parent Quirin (Disney), Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Memory Loss, New Dream, Post Series, Protective Rapunzel (Disney), Team Awesome (Disney: Tangled), Varian Needs a Hug (Disney), Whump, andrew is the worst, look it's another varian gets kidnapped fic!, tbh everyone does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:22:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25910524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spannah339/pseuds/Spannah339
Summary: Waking up in a cave, a shoulder covered in blood and with a splitting headache was not an ideal situation on any day.Waking up with no memory of getting there was even worse.Flynn Rider was having a bad day.
Relationships: Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Varian, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Rapunzel & Varian (Disney)
Comments: 135
Kudos: 294





	1. i have felt the pain of losing who you are

**Author's Note:**

> What's up guys, been working on this for a week or so now! HOPEFULLY, it'll be around five chapters, but honestly, knowing how things like this go who knows really. Anyway, I have lots of plans for it so buckle in and enjoy the ride!

Waking up in a cave, a shoulder covered in blood and with a splitting headache was not an ideal situation on any day. 

Waking up with no memory of getting there was even worse. 

Flynn Rider had managed to stumble away from the cave, taking stock of his situation once he was what he assumed was a safe distance away, settling in a small clearing by a river. He leaned heavily against a tree and let out a long breath, running through what he actually knew. 

One: The cave had been empty when he woke, all his belongings gone and signs that a group of people had been camping there recently. 

Two: He was wearing clothes he didn’t remember ever owning - far richer than anything he ever  _ had _ owned. 

Three: He had no idea where he was, which kingdom it was or how he had got here. 

Four: The last thing he _could_ remember was meeting up with the Stabbington brothers in order to attempt to steal the Lost Princess of Corona’s crown. 

Five: He was bleeding from his shoulder, what appeared to be a nasty stab wound agitated from his movement down the mountain and through the trees. 

He came to the natural conclusion that he was in trouble. Following that, came the natural conclusion that the Stabbingtons must have betrayed him, robbed him and left him for dead. 

Most likely the gaps in his memory were a result of a head injury - inconvenient, yes, but not unexplainable. The countryside did look like Corona, it wasn’t likely he had gone far. 

If he was in Corona, it would probably be wise to leave as soon as possible - especially if the crown heist had actually happened. He couldn’t clearly remember if it had, but a hazy memory of being lowered through the roof came to mind. 

He  _ did, _ however, remember fully intending to betray the Stabbingtons after stealing the crown. 

That must have been why they turned on him. 

Fair enough, really. But it didn’t make him any less annoyed. 

(Or scared, but he wasn’t going to admit that, even too himself. Losing any memory was worrying, to say the least.)

“Okay, Rider,” he muttered to himself, pushing off the tree and winching slightly as he moved his shoulder. "Keep moving." He moved to press a hand to the wound but noticed for the first time the white glove he was wearing. Not wanting to stain it with blood, he tugged it off, balling it up in his other hand. As he did, he caught sight of a small, intricately carved ring. 

For a moment, he examined it, twisting it on his finger and frowning slightly. He had never owned a ring this valuable - for he could see at just a glance that it had belonged to someone rich. 

What  _ was _ he wearing? That was the most concerning part of the whole affair, really. Waking up with some missing time was one thing, waking up with missing time and  _ a whole wardrobe change _ was something else entirely. 

He moved to the river, trying to catch a glimpse of his reflection. If he didn’t know any better, he would say he was wearing a casual Coronan guard uniform, but that made no sense. 

“Well,” he muttered beginning to follow the river upstream (downstream would bring him to the capital, and he wanted to stay as far away from there as possible) “At least maybe I can sell the ring.” 

He was half an hour up the river and trying not to think about how the weather was far colder than he would expect for late spring when a flicker of movement caught his attention. He tensed, ducking into a crouch and shifting behind a bush to hide as much as he could in a bright red shirt. 

Two members of the Corona guard came into view, talking softly together as they walked. Flynn couldn’t help but be slightly relieved at the sight of them - a part of him had been scared he was nowhere near Corona but somewhere halfway across the world with no memory and a lot of time missing. 

The presence of the guard was a little concerning, however - from memory, the Corona guard didn’t tend to patrol much, and certainly not this far out of the capital without reason. 

Unless they were hunting someone. 

Maybe a crown thief. 

The guards moved out of sight and Flynn waited a moment longer before standing and moving quickly in the opposite direction. But his movement was obviously too fast, and the movement caused him to bite down a hiss of pain. 

“Who’s there?” one of the guards called and Flynn bit back a curse. He darted behind a tree, holding his breath as the two men reappeared. 

“Captain Fitzherbert?” the one with a moustache called and  _ that _ sent a rush of shock through Flynn. 

It was just a coincidence, he told himself. He wasn’t the only Fitzherbert in the world. 

It was still a shock to hear his real name spoken by a random Coronan guard. 

“It is!” the smaller man said, pointing towards the tree Flynn was hiding behind. “Captain? Are you alright?” 

They had seen him. Were they talking to him? Heart beating quickly, Flynn slowly stepped out from behind the tree, hands held up to show he had no weapons. Stealth wasn’t going to get him out of this one, time to talk instead. 

“I think you may have me confused with someone else,” he said, dropping his wounded arm and fighting back the wince moving it caused. 

The two guards exchanged a look that made Flynn even more uneasy. 

“No we didn’t,” the moustached one said. 

“Yeah, we’ve been looking for you for a week now,” the other said. 

“The princess has been worried out of her mind.” 

Princess? Corona had no princess. 

And a week - had he missed a whole  _ week _ ? 

_ Why _ were they calling him captain? 

“Look, boys, I wish you all the luck in finding your missing captain, but I’m really not the man you’re looking for.” 

The two men looked confused and Flynn couldn’t help but share their sentiment. Then the moustached one stepped forward with an expression of what Flynn took to be actual, genuine concern and  _ that _ wasn’t something he was used to seeing on a Coronan guard. 

“Are you alright, Eugene?” he asked, and Flynn actually took a step back. 

They knew his name. 

_ How _ did they know his  _ name _ ? 

Maybe this was some convoluted plot to actually finally bring him in, but something told him this ran much deeper. He needed to get away, to lay low for a while and figure out what was going on. 

He took another, unsteady step back, both arms lowered now, carefully watching the two guards in case they tried to take him in. 

“Really, there’s been a misunderstanding,” he said, forcing a smile. He was holding his shoulder again, taking another step back. “As fun as it has been, I really must be going, however.” 

“Captain, wait!” one of them called, but Flynn didn’t listen. He turned and began running, ducking and weaving in case they had any sort of bows. In no time at all he had left the two guards behind, moving easily through the trees and vanishing. 

He slowed finally almost ten minutes later, his shoulder sending spikes of pain through his arm. Leaning heavily against a tree, he closed his eyes and let out a long breath. 

How much time had he lost? 

~*~

The floor of Rapunzel’s room was covered with papers, maps and the occasional book. Rapunzel sat in the middle of it all, pouring over a map with a pencil in her hand, Pascal sitting on the compass on the top corner of the parchment. 

“We’ve searched all around the Snuggly Ducking,” she said, marking with a cross near the pub. Pascal chirped, bounding across the paper to sit where the tower had once been located. Rapunzel nodded, circling around the chameleon. “Quirin’s taking a group to check out there, though I think after Cass, no one else would try to make that their hideout.” 

She sighed, leaning back and staring down at the map. There were far too many crosses and still no results. 

“Where  _ are _ they, Pascal?” she muttered. Pascal squeaked softly, leaping to her and laying a tiny hand on her knee, his eyes full of concern as he looked up at her. She sighed, picking him up and pressing her nose to his head. “It’s been over a week.” Pascal leaned into her and she couldn’t help but be grateful for his support. 

There was a soft knock on the door and Rapunzel quickly wiped her eyes, relocating Pascal to her shoulder. 

“Come in,” she called, turning to see her mother slowly peer around the door. “Hey, Mom,” she said quietly. 

“Hi, Honey,” her mother said, moving to kneel beside her. “How’re you doing?” 

“Alright,” Rapunzel said, looking down. “There’s just... only so many more places we _can_ look.” Arianna reached forward to take her hands and Rapunzel looked up at her again. “What if... we don’t find them?” she asked finally, voicing the fear that had been growing steadily stronger over the past few days . 

“We will,” Arianna said quietly. She squeezed Rapunzel’s hands tightly. “They’re both strong, I bet they’re fighting their way back to you already.” She smiled, reaching forward to brush Rapunzel’s hair out of her face. Rapunzel leaned into the touch, closing her eyes. 

Her mother was right - it would take a lot to keep Eugene and Varian from finding their way home again. 

Which was why she was growing increasingly worried. Because the longer that passed without any news the more likely ‘a lot’  _ had _ happened. 

“I’m just… worried,” she said quietly. Arianna smiled, pulling Rapunzel in a hug. 

“I know,” she said quietly. Rapunzel leaned into the embrace, closing her eyes and trying to relax for a moment. 

She couldn’t. Couldn’t relax - hadn’t been  _ able _ to relax since Eugene vanished. Ever since leaving the tower, he had been by her side - with him missing Rapunzel felt like a part of her was missing. 

With a deep and slightly shaky breath, she pulled back. Her mother shifted, turning her attention to the map spread across the ground. She tugged another piece of paper nearer, a half-finished sketch of Eugene. 

“How can I help?” she asked quietly, and Rapunzel couldn’t help but smile, leaning into her mother. 

They sat together for another hour, jotting down ideas, researching any hidden places Corona might have they didn't know about yet, pouring over the map. Rapunzel had to admit that having her mother beside her helped, was a comforting presence that made her believe maybe everything was going to be alright. 

A knock on the door caused them to emerge from their mess of papers and books. The captain of the guard stepped into the room a little apologetically. Since Eugene’s disappearance, he had stepped up into his old role, helping to organise search parties and keep the kingdom running. 

The sight of him caused Rapunzel’s heart to leap and she scrambled to her feet, Arianna not far behind her. 

“Any news?” Rapunzel asked. Captain nodded, a hint of concern on his face. 

“Stan and Pete just came in - I think you want to hear this,” he said. 

Rapunzel cast a look at her mother, who reached out and grabbed her hand, smiling encouragingly. 

“Alright, where are they?” Rapunzel asked. 

They were standing in the throne room, bickering about something insignificant. Lance was shifting anxiously near the door, looking up with a slight smile as Rapunzel and Arianna entered. The king was seated on this throne, looking up from a slight slump. 

“Did you find them?” Rapunzel asked, unable to wait anymore. Stan and Pete looked up at her, exchanging a glance and hesitating. Fear drove deeper into Rapunzel’s heart and she forced herself to breathe. 

“Well, in a way,” Stan said. 

“We found Captain Eugene,” Pete said and Rapunzel stepped forward involuntarily. 

“Where? Is he okay?” she asked, chest tight. Where was he? If they had found him, why wasn’t he here? Was he  _ alright _ ? 

“He seemed okay,” Stan said and Rapunzel relaxed momentarily, loosening her grip on her mother’s hand fractionally. There was something more, she could tell. 

“But he uuh…” Pete began, glancing at Stan. 

“He didn’t recognize us,” Stan said. 

“Yeah, seemed real spooked,” Pete added. “He bolted.” 

Rapunzel let out a shaky breath, letting go of her mother’s hand and moving to collapse into her throne. For a moment she sat, clenching and unclenching her fist, Pascal rubbing her cheek lightly. 

“He’s alright though?” she asked softly, and both guards nodded. 

“He’s alive,” her father said, leaning towards her and Rapunzel nodded. Something relaxed inside her, something tense she hadn’t been able to throw off. At least she knew he was  _ alive _ . 

But in what state, she was afraid to ask. 

“We need to find him,” she said, forcing her emotions down for a moment. Now was not the time to get caught up, to be distracted by her emotions and thoughts. Her husband needed her help, she was going to keep searching until he was  _ home _ and by her side where he belonged. 

(And Varian? A voice in her head whispered. What about Varian? Is he alright?) 

She pushed the thought away, focusing on the now, on the problem in front of her. One thing at a time, or she would get overwhelmed. 

“Lance, can you lead the search?” she asked. “If he didn’t recognise Stan and Pete, he might recognise you.” 

Lance nodded, his usual wide grin a little more subdued. 

“With pleasure, princess,” he said, ducking into a slight mock bow. Rapunzel gave a small smile, taking a deep breath. 

“Bring him  _ home _ ,” she said softly, heart tight. 

~*~

The day was just getting worse. Night was beginning to fall and Flynn was very quickly realizing that he was lost. His mad dash away from the guards had led him away from the river, and despite searching for it almost half the day he had only succeeded in losing himself all the more. 

Now that it was getting dark, he was forced to come to terms with the fact that today was  _ much _ shorter than yesterday - if it even  _ was _ yesterday. The night was cold, and even though he was wearing a uniform warmer than his usual clothing, he was beginning to feel it. 

Ideally, he would find a cave or someplace to hole up for the night and try again in the morning, but he had  _ also _ managed to lose the mountains. 

He was beginning to consider trying to climb a tree, hurt shoulder and all, to try and get an idea of where he was when a sound caught his attention. Instinctively, he ducked behind a nearby rock, pressing his back against the cold surface and listening. 

The sound was familiar - a voice, calling his name. 

“Eugene? You here, buddy?”

_ Lance _ . It was Lance. Flynn almost broke his cover at the sound of his oldest friend’s voice, but the strangeness of the day caused him to hesitate. 

Not to mention Lance hadn’t called him Eugene for  _ years _ . 

On that note, wasn’t Lance supposed to be in prison at the moment? Maybe he had escaped. 

“Eugene, c’mon man!” Lance called and Flynn let out a long breath, slowly standing and making his way towards his friend. 

“Lance?” His voice was surprisingly uncertain, a little of the fear and worry and confusion he had been feeling all day leaking through. 

Lance turned at the sound of his voice, face lighting up with a familiar grin. He rushed forward to pull Flynn into a hug, and for a moment, Flynn allowed himself to relax. He and Lance had faced many odds together, they could figure out what was going on. 

“Where have you  _ been _ ?” Lance demanded, pulling back from the hug. Flynn shrugged, his hand drifting back to hold his shoulder like he had been most of the day. He really needed to bandage and clean that at some point before it got infected. 

“Honestly, I can’t remember. It’s been a  _ weird _ day.” 

“Rapunzel has been turning the kingdom upside down to find you,” Lance said, slinging an arm around Flynn’s uninjured shoulder and beginning to walk. Flynn blinked at the comment, brain sluggishly trying to keep up. 

“Ra - who?” he asked. 

Lance stopped in his tracks turning to stare at him and Flynn had the uneasy feeling that he’d missed more than a few hours or even days. 

“You don’t… remember Rapunzel?” he asked and Flynn felt a tight clench of fear in his chest. He cast his mind back, trying to remember if he had ever met anyone with that name. But there was nothing - nothing but a black fogginess surrounding his waking. 

“Nope - and I feel like I would remember if I had ever met someone with a name like  _ that _ ,” he said, waving a hand dismissively in the air, trying to appear casual. Lance watched him with concern that made Flynn feel even more worried. H is face was more serious than anything Flynn had seen on him for a long time. 

“What  _ do _ you remember?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, it’s a little foggy,” Flynn muttered. “I woke up in a cave this morning, Burnsie and Patchy must have jumped me after we got the crown.” 

Lance let out a long breath, turning away for a moment and Flynn forced himself to keep breathing. 

“Lance?” he asked quietly. “I - How much time have I lost?” He was almost afraid to ask, almost afraid to know the answer. 

“Eugene that… you stole the crown almost four years ago.” 

_ Four years _ ? 

No. 

Flynn took a step back, head spinning. 

Four years? 

He had lost  _ four years _ ? 

How was that even possible? 

What had  _ happened _ in those years? 

“What,” he breathed, trying to make his mind wrap around the new knowledge. “Lance, if this is another prank -” 

“It’s not, Eugene, I promise. I wouldn’t lie about this.” Lance moved forward, laying a hand on Flynn’s uninjured shoulder. “We need to get you home so we can start figuring this out, okay? It’s reversible, it just might take time.” 

“I -” Flynn didn’t resist as Lance began leading him back through the forest, mind spinning. Four years? 

Home - where was home? He didn’t  _ have _ a home. 

_ Four years _ . 

He walked a few more paces, questions and thoughts swirling through his mind too quickly to keep track of. Finally, he stopped, stepping away from Lance’s reach, feeling like he really needed to sit down for a long time. 

“Four years?” he asked, his voice hesitant. “How?” 

It was all he could get out at the moment, the only thought he could focus on amid the flurry of questions.  _ ‘What did I do?’ ‘Who did I become?’ ‘What happened?’ ‘Who is Rapunzel?’ ‘Is that why the guards were calling me captain?’ ‘How much has changed?’  _

Lance hesitated, turning back to him and frowned slightly. He seemed to be hunting for words, shifting his weight slightly as he thought. 

“We’re not actually sure,” he said finally. “You and Varian - he’s the royal engineer,” he added, noticing Flynn’s confusion at the unfamiliar name. “You two vanished, about a week ago. We’re not sure what happened, haven’t seen any sign of either of you until Stan and Pete ran into you this morning.” 

“Okay,” Flynn said. “Okay.” He leaned heavily against a nearby tree, burying his face in his hands and focusing on breathing for a long moment.

“Eugene?” Lance said, and he looked up, winching slightly. 

“Okay, I get a lot may have happened in the last four years, but can we maybe cool it with the real name?” It was maybe something petty and small, but it was something he could latch on, maybe control, something he could understand in the wake of the information he was being given. 

“Oh, yeah, sure thing - Flynn,” Lance said and somehow, it wasn’t any better. “But everyone knows you as Eugene now.” 

“Okay sure, sure, why not,” Flynn said, thoughts still spinning. “What… exactly… happened?” 

Four years was a  _ long _ time. 

A lot could happen in four years. 

He was absently twisting the ring on his hand with his thumb, feeling strangely comforted by it. 

“How about we get back to the castle and you can get the rundown from Rapunzel?” Lance suggested. Flynn blinked, looking up at him. 

“Castle?” he asked weakly. “And you still haven’t said who Rapunzel even is.” 

Lance paused, watching him for a moment, then held out a hand. Flynn let himself be pulled to his feet, wincing as his shoulder moved. 

“On second thoughts, how about I give you the world’s fastest history lesson on the way back,” he said, and Flynn nodded weakly. 

“Sure, why not,” he muttered. 

~*~ 

She itched to be out there, to be  _ doing _ something - anything. But Lance had insisted he would bring Eugene home again, and she still had duties to attend to, even if two of the people she loved most were missing. 

Rapunzel buried herself in her duties, her smile a little more subdued than usual as she kept half an eye out the window, watching the distant bridge, waiting for any sign of Lance’s return. 

Quirin returned first, Ruddiger curled subdued around his shoulder, shaking his head in answer to her silent question. She filled him in, told him that Eugene had been found. The worry -  _ fear _ \- in his eyes barely faded, and she felt almost guilty they had no new leads on finding Varian. 

But Eugene was coming home - and maybe he would have an idea of where to find Quirin’s son. 

Finally, as darkness fell over the kingdom, they arrived. 

Eugene was  _ here _ . 

He was tired, looking half-starved and exhausted, his usually neat hair messy, his goatee grown out more than usual. He was holding his shoulder, a worrying amount of dried blood staining his uniform. 

But he was  _ here _ . And he was  _ alive. _

“Eugene!” 

She ran, the cold cobblestone of the castle courtyard rough on her bare feet, the wind whistling passed her face. 

And then he was  _ here _ and she wrapped her arms around him and  _ held him _ because he was here and he was alive and he was  _ safe _ . 

“You must be… Rapunzel.” 

His voice made her realize he wasn’t returning the embrace and she stepped back, looking up at him. His eyes were darting from side to side and he looked almost ready to bolt, a hint of panic lingering in his eyes. 

“Eugene?” she asked softly, reaching up to cup his face. He blinked, looking down at her and smiling. 

“Hey,” he said. “Look, this is weird, I know…” He trailed off, reaching up to gently remove her hand from his face. “But you’re…  _ wow _ .” 

Lance stepped forward, clearing his throat slightly. Eugene started at the sound, blinking and turning to face him. 

“C’mon, Buddy,” Lance said, gesturing forward. “Let’s get that shoulder looked at - Princess?” 

Rapunzel nodded, taking a shaky breath and following. 

“What happened?” she asked softly. Eugene was still looking like he was going to bolt, and Lance laid a gentle hand on his back, quietly directing him as they entered the castle. 

“Not sure, exactly,” Lance said quietly. “But he’s lost his memory - the last thing he remembers is stealing your crown.” 

Rapunzel stumbled a pace, her breath catching. 

Not again. 

Her parents had only recently fully regained their memories. 

She couldn’t lose Eugene like that as well. 

Pascal chirped softly on her shoulder and she took a shaky breath, moving to catch up with Lance and Eugene. 

She waited outside the sickbay, decided it was best for Lance to keep Eugene company. She could debrief with them both later, figure it out. 

(And maybe a part of her didn’t want to see that blank, unrecognizing expression on his face when he looked at her.)

She sank down the wall, tucking her legs under her and holding Pascal up to her face. 

“What are we going to do, Pascal?” she asked softly. Pascal chirped softly, nuzzling her face and she leaned into him. “I miss Eugene so much,” she said quietly. “I don’t know how to do this… do  _ any _ of this, without him.” 

She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to sit down and pour out her heart to him, to see his soft, serious expression as he listened, to hear his quiet voice telling her everything was going to be alright. 

Pascal leaned into her and she closed her eyes, holding him close. 

~*~ 

The fire crackled cheerfully in the centre of the small circle of people as they sat, talking and laughing together. There were four of them in total, each seated on various logs or tree trunks as they finished off their evening meal. 

A fifth figure sat a little apart, the shadows covering him as he huddled in his too-thin shirt. A large bruise blossomed purple on his face, and despite the shivering, he was beginning to drift asleep, exhaustion wearing him down. 

“Hey, Varian!” one of the figures around the fire said. He tugged cheerfully at a rope, looped around the log he was seated on. The rope pulled at Varian’s ankle, jerking him fully awake and he pushed himself up, instantly on alert. “Come and join us, kid.” 

The tone of voice suggested there was no room for refusing that request. But Varian still hesitated, shifting until he was sitting, wrapping his arms around his legs. 

“Yeah, come on,  _ kid _ ,” one of the other figures said. Another tug on the rope - this time much more violent - was enough of a warning. 

Varian stumbled to his feet, moving to sit awkwardly on the log beside the man holding his rope, a little too close for comfort. He had to admit, it was nice to be closer to the fire. 

Then the man beside him shifted, lazily slinging an arm over his shoulder. Varian tensed at the touch but the man didn’t notice. 

“You’re one of us again, Varian,” Andrew said, ruffling the boy’s hair with his other hand. “Start acting like it.” 

Varian didn’t answer, digging his nails into the bark of the log he sat on, staring at the fire and trying to fight back sudden tears. 


	2. i believe if i knew where i was going i'd lose control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flynn adjusts to living in the castle. Rapunzel deals with troubling events. Varian tries to figure out what is wanted from him.

Sleeping on it didn’t help. Not that he did sleep much, his mind was spinning too rapidly, trying to keep up with the wealth of information that had been thrown on him. 

Flynn had forsaken the bed sometime in the middle of the night, moving to the window and leaning on the sill, staring out at the sleeping city, watching the water ripple slightly in the distance. 

The conversation he had had with Lance and the princess kept spinning in his mind. Conversation was being generous, really - it had mostly been them talking and him listening in a slightly stunned silence. 

He had missed four years and was now apparently the Captain of the Corona Guard. Which, in itself, was a shock - he had spent his whole life the  _ enemy _ of the guard. Becoming Captain seemed impossible. 

Not to mention the princess, and  _ that _ had been another shock, lumped on top of plenty others. 

Apparently, he had found her, rescued her from her kidnapper and brought her back to Corona. She  _ was _ the Lost Princess of Corona and  _ Flynn _ had found her. 

On  _ top _ of all that, he had  _ married _ her. 

Somehow, that was the hardest to wrap his head around. He didn’t even  _ remember _ her, let alone remember years of growing together, of loving each other, of  _ marriage _ . He didn’t deny she had a certain magic about her, the way her smile lit up a room, the way she watched him with concern when she thought he wasn’t looking. He liked her, yes, but  _ marriage _ ? 

He spun the ring on his finger, trying not to panic, because really, he had been on the edge of a breakdown since Lance had found him. 

Four years. 

Four years was a  _ lifetime _ . 

He took a shaky breath, leaning the hand that wasn’t in a sling on the sill, dropping his head and closing his eyes. 

He wasn’t who they wanted him to be. 

That was one point that had become increasingly clear as they had spoken, as they had turned his life upside down and destroyed everything he ever thought he knew. 

He wasn’t who they wanted him to be, he wasn’t the captain of the guard, he wasn’t the princess’ husband, he wasn’t the upstanding citizen, he wasn’t the  _ hero _ , he wasn’t Eugene Fitzherbert. 

But part of him wanted to be. Part of him wanted to earn the trust they showed him, the love in Rapunzel’s eyes, the respect from the guards and citizens of Corona. Part of him wanted this life, but he knew he could never have it. 

This life belonged to another man. 

He lifted his head, staring out at the forest across the water, thoughts spinning. Had he actually done all those things? He wasn’t a hero - he was a criminal. Maybe now they would actually see that. 

Maybe everything was spinning, everything was confusion but Flynn knew one thing for certain. 

This wasn’t going to last. 

~*~

“Up and at’em, kid!” 

The rope tugged painfully on his ankle and Varian blinked awake, head swimming slightly. He squinted up to see Andrew’s face, slightly blurred from the early morning sun behind him. Varian groaned, raising a hand in a half-asleep state. 

Andrew simply grabbed his hand and hauled him up and the movement was enough to fully wake Varian. He blinked, shaking his head to clear it and pulled away from Andrew’s grip. 

“Wakey, wakey, sleeping beauty,” Clementine called from across the camp where she was finishing packing the last of their supplies. Varian didn’t answer, wrapping a hand around him and taking in his surroundings. 

The camp had been small, only a fire and a few bedrolls scattered around a small clearing. (Varian hadn’t been considered valuable enough for a bedroll, and he had spent a  _ cold _ night).

The Saporians had mostly packed up, the last hints that they had ever been here being quickly removed. Varian stood awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what he was expected to do - if he  _ was _ expected to do anything. 

He still didn’t fully know what the Saporians wanted from him. Whatever it was, it probably wasn’t good, that’s for sure. 

“Hey, kid, pull your weight and deal with the fire.” 

Andrew’s voice pulled him out of his still half-asleep thoughts and he reacted too slowly to catch the bucket of water thrown his way. The contents of the bucket splashed over him and the bucket slammed into his knee. He gasped, staggering back as the water instantly soaked him through. 

He shivered at the impact, eyes flickering momentarily from the pain. At least it had woken him up fully and he bent to retrieve the bucket. 

“Aw, c’mon, buddy - that was all the water we had on hand,” Andrew said, and Varian glared up at him. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have thrown it at me without warning,” he muttered, standing, wincing as he moved his knee. 

“What was that?” Andrew asked. Varian glared at him but didn’t say anything and Andrew narrowed his eyes. “Watch yourself kid, we may have given you a second chance, but don’t take it for granted.” 

Varian finally dropped his eyes, stomach churning. He shivered again, already knowing he wasn’t going to get a chance to be dry anytime soon. 

“Juniper, go with our friend here to get some more water,” Andrew said dismissively, waving a hand at the woman. She looked up from where she was sharpening her sword. 

“Sure thing, boss,” she said, moving to retrieve the rope Varian was tied to from where it was looped over a log. “C’mon, kid.” 

Varian took a deep breath, gripping the bucket tightly and limping slightly after his captor. 

When they returned a few moments, later, Varian’s knee still aching and his clothes still uncomfortably wet, Andrew was talking quietly with Clementine near where the fire had been. 

Varian kept his head down, ears alert as he moved towards the remains of the fireplace, focusing on the quiet discussion. 

“...Kai’s people will be meeting us there. They’ll have the schematics,” Andrew said quietly. 

“How long do you think it’ll take Corona to notice us this time?” Clementine asked, a vicious note to her voice. 

“If all has gone according to plan, they already have,” he answered smugly. “Hey, kid.” He spoke louder and Varian started, looking up at him with a slight glare. “Fill the water skins as well.” 

“Sure thing,  _ sir _ ,” Varian muttered, splashing a little of the water onto the remains of the fire. Andrew watched him for an uncomfortably long moment and Varian didn’t dare look up at him. 

The discussion Varian had overheard made him uneasy - more uneasy than he already had been, if that was possible. The Saporians definitely had a plan - had had one for a while, by the sound of it. 

“ _ Were Eugene and I part of that plan _ ?” he wondered as he crouched to fill the water skins, knee twinging in protest. Part of him suspected they had been, but he also had a suspicion Andrew had been surprised at how things had gone in that cave. 

Thinking about the cave reawoke a whole swarm of emotions Varian didn’t want to deal with at the moment. He gripped the waterskin he was holding tightly and glanced up in the direction he was pretty sure Corona was in. 

“ _ Come find me, Eugene _ ,” he thought quietly, almost guiltily, knowing deep down that he shouldn’t expect a rescue. 

~*~

Chaos was really the only way to describe that morning. Rapunzel had been called out of bed before the sun had even risen, bullied and dragged from meeting to meeting, head spinning with the news that had come in during the night. 

One of the small villages near the border had been devastated in the night. Refugees were still making their way into the city, frightened and grieving. According to reports, a group of highly organised bandits had swooped through the town, attacking everyone in sight and setting buildings on fire. 

Rapunzel did her best, trying to greet each of the refugees as they arrived, helping to house them and get them everything they needed. Her efforts were diminished by the constant meetings her father was holding, discussing the next plan of attack, and - as princess - she had a right to be in them. 

She sat in one now, Pascal curled against her cheek, twisting her dress under the table. Eugene, still technically captain of the guard, sat beside her, fidgeting slightly nervously with the sling his wounded arm was in. Lance sat on the other side of him, just recently returned from bringing Keira and Catalina back to the capital after receiving the news. 

“The most recent refugees brought back this,” Nigel was saying. Rapunzel leaned forward as he withdrew a small, gold medallion, half blackened by ash that made Rapunzel feel sick. 

He placed it onto the table and a murmur spread through. Rapunzel let out a small gasp as she saw what it was, pressing her hands to her mouth. 

A Saporian medallion. 

The murmurs began to rise in tempo, loud discussion breaking out. Rapunzel sat back heavily in her chair, reaching instinctively for Eugene’s hand, only to find it wasn’t there. He had turned to Lance, asking quietly what the medallion was. 

“Saporian - enemies of Corona,” Lance explained. “They tried to take over a year or so back.” 

“They’re also the ones who wiped my parents’ memories,” Rapunzel said quietly. Eugene looked back at her, a flicker of  _ something _ in his eyes. (She knew him so well, but he was closed off - hiding - and it  _ hurt _ to see). 

“Do you think they… I mean… Did my…” Eugene paused, trailing off and Rapunzel frowned. 

“It’s possible,” she said quietly. Lance leaned forward, frowning as he looked at her. 

“You don’t think they have Varian?” he asked, the concern clear in his voice. 

“ _ Traitors to Saporia pay with their lives _ .” 

The memory of the airship came back to her and Rapunzel took a shaky breath. 

“I hope not,” she said softly. 

“Enough!” The king’s voice cut through the growing cacophony, silencing the bickering advisors. He was standing, one hand on the table, eyes narrowed. “We will accomplish nothing arguing like children. This is a serious attack on our kingdom and we must treat it as such.” He scanned the assembled crowd, eyes narrowed, watching to make sure they were listening. 

“Captain Fitzherbert,” the king said, turning to face Eugene and Rapunzel realized with a start she hadn’t told him Eugene had lost his memory. She hadn’t had time, really. “It is good to have you back with us, do you have any information that could help?” 

Eugene started as he realized everyone was looking at him, waiting for an answer. He grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Look, I don’t know how much Blondie here has told you, but I’m not gonna be much help. Apparently, my memory’s gone capoot. I’ve lost the last four years or something.” He shrugged, and if Rapunzel didn’t know him so well she would be convinced he had no concerns about this. “Sir,” he added as an afterthought, seeming to realize he was speaking to a king. 

His admission brought another wave of muttering around the table. Rapunzel’s father met her eyes, silently asking her and she nodded. 

“I know it’s a shock,” she said, standing, wanting to stop the gossiping and arguing before it fully began. Pascal squeaked encouragingly in her ear and she took a breath, meeting the eyes of each person around the table in turn. “But Eugene will get his memory back - we know it’s possible.” She locked eyes with her parents and they both nodded slowly, the concern clear in their faces. “We need to be worrying about the kingdom - about the  _ people _ . Our people have lost their  _ homes _ , some of them have lost family. We need to help them recover, and we need to stop this from happening again.” 

She nodded sharply, waiting for her words to sink in before sinking back into her seat. 

“She’s right,” the captain of the guard said slowly. “I propose we up patrols around the borders, guard smaller villages better.” 

“The villages won’t be happy about higher guard presence,” someone else spoke up. 

“We need to find the source, whoever is behind this and stop them.” 

“The Saporians can’t have a large group yet, they only escaped a few months ago.” 

“That was… impressive,” Eugene said softly, leaning towards her. Rapunzel blinked, turning her attention to him and smiled quietly. “I didn’t know you could do something like that.” 

“You used to,” she said without thinking, feeling slightly guilty at the expression that flickered across his face. He sighed, sinking back into his seat, twisting the fabric of his sling. 

“I’m sorry I’m not that person anymore,” he said quietly, and Rapunzel bit her lip, hard, quickly turning her face away. 

The meeting dragged on, and Rapunzel was itching to  _ do something _ instead of wasting so much time talking. She wanted to start finding answers, to bring whoever was responsible for attacking  _ her _ kingdom to justice. 

But there was one more thing that needed to be addressed before she could let herself leave. As the meeting began to wind down with not much more beyond vague plans and promises, she stood again, locking eyes with her father. 

“And what about Varian?” 

The now familiar murmuring of advisors was easy to tune out as she waited for her father’s answer. From the corner of her eye, she saw Quirin sit up, badly hidden hope flickering across his face. 

“Rapunzel, there is only so much we can do…” her father began, and Rapunzel pressed her hands onto the table, leaning forward. She wasn’t going to let him get off that easily this time. She wasn’t going to abandon Varian again, even if her kingdom needed her. 

“He needs  _ help _ , Father. And if the Saporians are behind this, behind Eugene’s memory loss - it’s likely that they have him.” 

_ That _ made the mutters rise in volume and Rapunzel winched, regretting the words almost as soon as she spoke them. It was probably not the best course of action to remind them of Varian’s past with the Saporians, but the words had been spoken now and she couldn’t take them back. 

“I must put my people first,” the king said, a hint of regret in his voice. Rapunzel scowled, acutely aware that all the eyes in the room were on here. Maybe speaking to her father in private would have been a smarter idea, but she refused to let anyone forget Varian was still in danger. 

“Varian  _ is _ one of your people,” she said. 

“And what of those displaced by this attack? What of the other villages that may be vulnerable? Should we put the life of one boy before them? We don’t even know if he’s alive. Your friend or not, Rapunzel, he is one person. I must think of the kingdom.” 

Rapunzel balled her fists, but she hated to admit that he had a point. 

Unfortunately, it was the exact point she had justified breaking her promise over years ago. And she refused to abandon Varian like that again. 

(He  _ was _ alive, she refused to even consider the alternative).

“We can’t give up on him,” she said sharply, but she sat, letting her father know she had acknowledged him. He nodded, a deep sadness in his eyes. 

The conversation turned again and finally, the meeting finished. Rapunzel gladly accepted Pascal’s comforting nuzzle as she left, wanting nothing more than to hide away with Eugene for a few hours. 

But that was impossible. Eugene was walking with Lance, the two of them talking together - Lance likely filling Eugene in on something he had forgotten. She wanted to run to him, to wrap her arms around him, to feel his comforting presence. 

Instead, she walked alone, taking a shaky breath and trying to focus on what her next job was. She couldn’t afford to be distracted, to be preoccupied. Her kingdom needed her. 

“Princess!” Quirin’s voice caused her to pause and she quickly schooled her expression, smiling brightly as he joined her. “Thank you,” he said quietly as he did. 

“I’m not giving up on him,” Rapunzel said, beginning to walk down the hall. Quirin walked with her, the worry clear in his expression. Ruddiger was curled around his shoulders, looking about as miserable as Rapunzel felt. 

“Again, thank you. It means a lot to know that you are on my side - on  _ Varian’s _ side.” 

Rapunzel paused, reaching out to take one of Quirin’s hands. 

“Varian is my friend, I’ll do  _ whatever _ I can to bring him home,” she said quietly. “Let me know if you hear anything.” 

“Of course, princess,” Quirin said. She smiled again, releasing his hand and he bowed slightly, moving forward through the hall. Rapunzel let out a long breath, sucking it in again and taking a second to compose her. 

A warm arm wrapped around her shoulder and suddenly she was fighting back tears as her mother pulled her close. 

“How’re you doing, honey?” Arianna asked and Rapunzel didn’t answer immediately, pulling her mother into a close hug. 

“I’ll be okay,” she said. “My kingdom needs me.” 

Her mother gently pulled out of the hug, cupping Rapunzel’s cheeks in her hands and smiling softly. 

“Don’t push yourself too hard,” she said. Rapunzel smiled, pulled back into the warm embrace where for a moment, she could forget about everything that had gone wrong over the last few days. 

“How’re you doing?” she asked as they began to walk, Arianna’s arm around her shoulder, Rapunzel’s arm wrapped around her mother’s waist. Arianna sighed. 

“I’m surviving,” she said quietly. Rapunzel smiled grimly - that was really any of them could do at the moment. 

~*~

They joined Kai and his group late that afternoon, Varian still limping slightly on his knee, his shoulders aching under the pack he had been ladened with, his clothes still slightly damp. The camp was larger than he had expected - about twenty-five people in total. They all looked rough, harsh, vicious and Varian once again felt like he was very much out of his depth. 

He trailed after Andrew, who was holding the end of the rope on his ankle, hungry, tired and wanting nothing more than to curl in a ball and sleep for a week. Unfortunately, he could do nothing but remain standing, wrapping his hands around the straps of his backpack and keeping his head down. 

He didn’t have a plan. That was his problem at the moment - the last day had passed so quickly he hadn’t had time to fully think since they had left the cave and Eugene. If he could come up with a plan, he could maybe do some good instead of being dragged around like a packhorse. 

Andrew looped his rope around a tree on the edge of the camp and vanished into the crowd and Varian gratefully collapsed to the ground, leaning against the tree and shrugging the backpack off his shoulders. He rolled his shoulders in relief, stretching out his bruised knee and fighting away the urge to sleep. 

Observation was always the first step - he needed to gather information and find out what was going on, if escape was going to be an option. 

(If only he knew what they had  _ done _ to Eugene. No matter what Andrew promised, Varian knew they weren’t going to let him go without a scratch and  _ that _ was what terrified him most. What if Eugene was dead? Wounded? Bleeding out somewhere and no one knew where he was? What if Eugene was dead and it was Varian’s fault?) 

“Don’t dwell on it,” he muttered to himself, pulling his legs up and resting his chin on his knees. He watched, watched the camp, watched the Saporians, watched for a chance to learn something  _ useful _ . 

The sun was beginning to set when Andrew rejoined him, and in that time Varian had learnt very little apart from the fact that everyone in this camp was able to fight at least in some capacity. With an uneasy feeling, Varian was beginning to realize the Saporians were gathering an army. 

“Here.” 

A half loaf of bread landed in the dirt at Varian’s feet and he looked up to see Andrew. The Saporian walked to Varian’s side, leaning against the tree and watching the camp, silent. A little unsettled, Varian reached for the bread, staring at it for a long moment. 

“Oh, c’mon, kid - it’s not poisoned,” Andrew said, looking down at him. Varian hesitated a moment more, but his hunger got the better of him and he began to devour it. “That’s better, isn’t it.” 

“What do you want me for?” Varian asked, pushing himself into a standing position, fighting down a reaction as his knee moved. Andrew shrugged, turning to look at him. 

“You volunteered.” 

“But clearly you want me for  _ something _ , otherwise why else wouldn’t you have killed us both back in that cave?” 

“It’s not enough to say I missed working with you?” Andrew reached out and ruffled Varian’s hair and he scowled, batting the hand away and taking another bite of the bread. With a laugh, Andrew stepped back, folding his arms. “You’re smart, buddy. We can use that.” 

And there it was. Varian nodded, unsurprised, finishing the bread as he waited for more. 

“One of our new recruits found some blueprints - fascinating things, really. Machines able to level an entire city in minutes, big explosives, that sort of thing. I figured you and your smart brain,” he reached out and rapped Varian on the head a few times, “would be able to figure out how to fit them all together.” 

“Why d’you think I’d help you?” Varian asked. “ _ Especially _ making something that will hurt my friends.” 

Andrew shrugged, moving a step away. 

“Careful, kid - second chances don’t come easily, don’t throw it away. Besides.” He turned, reaching out and grabbing Varian’s chin. His fingers dug into Varian's skin as he lifted the boy’s face, forcing him to meet his eyes. “We only have limited food - I’m afraid I have to prioritise those who actually pull their weight around here when it comes to rations.” 

He kept Varian’s gaze for a long time and the boy scowled, refusing to show the way his heart was pounding in his chest. Finally, Andrew shoved him back, hard enough to stumbled into the tree behind. He reached forward and patted Varian’s shoulder, smiling in a way Varian once thought friendly. 

“Think on it - I’ll get back to you tomorrow! Maybe once you start we can see about getting you some actual bedding, eh?” He smiled cheerfully, snagged the backpack and headed back towards the centre of the camp. 

Varian let out a shaky breath, sinking down the tree and huddling into himself, wrapping his legs close. 

It was going to be another cold night. 

~*~

A soft knock woke Flynn from a half doze (he had been  _ exhausted _ all day, clearly while his mind had forgotten what had happened, his body hadn’t and every cut, bruise and sleepless night was making itself known). He pushed himself off the bed with a small grunt of pain, adjusted the sling, and opened the door. 

The princess stood on the other side, her face softening minutely as she saw him. She was holding something in one hand, and sitting on her shoulder was the frog thing that seemed to follow her around everywhere. 

Flynn couldn’t help but relax slightly as well as he saw her - he wasn’t sure what it was, but her presence was comforting. He shifted to let her in and she did, stepping confidently into the room. (She wasn’t wearing shoes - come to think of it, he hadn’t seen her wear shoes  _ all day _ .) 

“You called me Blondie,” she said and Flynn blinked. 

“I did?” he asked, stepping back to sit heavily on the bed (standing up took a lot out of him at the moment.) 

“During the meeting - you called me Blondie.” 

“But… you’re most certainly  _ not _ blonde,” he pointed out, taking in her short brunette cut. She smiled, a smile that felt so  _ genuine _ and hopeful, Flynn couldn’t help but smile slightly back. 

“Exactly.” 

“It just… felt right,” he said quietly, remembering the meeting. Come to think of it, that did seem an odd nickname for her. She stepped forward, leaning down to pick up the hand that wasn’t in his sling. 

“It was the first name you ever gave me,” she said quietly. Flynn looked up at her, a swirl of emotions rising inside, a flickering of distant memories. 

Blonde hair, floating in rushing water. Hair against his hand, a distant song, soft, golden light. 

Then he blinked and the moment was gone and a stranger was standing in front of him again, the memories infuriatingly out of reach once again. He pulled his hand away and shrugged. 

“I don’t remember,” he said, and he was getting sick of saying that. 

“What  _ do _ you remember?” she asked. For a second, he thought about being sappy and romantic and saying he remembered her. Then he decided that lying to a princess probably wasn’t a smart career choice. 

“ _ Don’t get too attached, Rider. You won’t be here long _ .” 

“Not much,” he said. “Bits and pieces, a flash of an image, nothing I can actually hold onto.” He waved a casual hand in the air and lay back on the bed. She sighed and he watched her pace out of the corner of his eye, one hand reaching up to absently pet the frog - chameleon? - on her shoulder. 

“Eugene can you… work  _ with _ me?” she said finally and he sighed, shifting to face her. She sat on the floor so their faces were level, holding the lizard in her lap. “I’m trying so hard, but… I need you on my side.” 

He liked hearing her call him Eugene. It was strange - he had gone so long not hearing his real name, but the way she said it made him almost like it. Almost want to  _ be _ Eugene Fitzherbert instead of Flynn Rider. 

Again, the memory of water, stinging hand, frantic panic and golden glow flashed through him and he shut his eyes in annoyance as it vanished again. 

“ _ Don’t get attached _ .” 

“Look, princess, there’s only so much I  _ can _ do,” he said dismissively, pushing himself up on his uninjured arm. “Unfortunately, I can’t magically regain my memory overnight. Who knows if I ever will,” he muttered. If he didn’t get her hopes up, maybe she wouldn’t be devastated when she realized he wasn’t going to  _ be _ Eugene again. 

“I know…” she said, looking down. The frog chirped softly and she sighed. “I just… I don’t know what to do. With the Saporians attacking again… and Varian’s still missing and you…” She trailed off, taking a shaky breath and looking back up at him. “Work with me?” 

He should say no. He should say no, keep himself separate, keep her away. Don’t get attached, this isn’t going to last. But he couldn’t bear to see her disappointed, couldn’t bear to hurt her. 

“I can try,” he said softly, smilingly lightly. It was worth it to see the relief on her face. She moved forward, picking up what looked like a book from where she had laid it on the floor. Flynn pushed himself into a sitting position and watched her. 

“Here,” she said, holding it out to him. “This might help, y’know, bring back some memories.” 

It was a book - what looked like a leather-bound journal with paintings covering one side. He frowned, gently opening it and flipping through a few pages. It was her’s - he could tell that almost instantly - a beautiful painting on each page, a few notes. He featured in a number of them and it was surreal, seeing his image in her style. So did she - but in the majority of the images, her hair was blonde - long, flowing across the page. 

He paused on a page - featuring himself, bent on one knee and holding a ring and her turning away. The page opposite featured a figure who looked suspiciously like Stalyan, and Flynn wanted his memories back if only to know how  _ that _ had all gone down. 

“Thank you,” he said looking up at her. She smiled settling back on her knees. 

“Keep it, at least for now - hopefully it will spark some memories.” 

He nodded absently, flipping back through the book. Had he lived through all these events?

“Look, I… I have to go… my people need me - come find me if you remember anything, alright?” she said. Flynn looked up at her and smiled quietly as she stood. 

“Of course,” he said.

She moved to the door and hesitated, shifting uncertainly, seeming to want to say more. Then with a heavy sigh, she slipped out and shut the door behind her. Flynn watched the door for a long moment, suddenly wishing she would come back. The memories felt closer when she was around. 

He shrugged, shaking his head and pushing himself back to lean against the wall, flipping through the journal again. 

A note in the margin caught his attention and he frowned, finding the page again - Varian. That was the missing engineer, right? 

The page he landed on sent a chill down his spine. A figure stood in the centre, masked and dark, two large, monstrous things behind him, sharp black rocks in the background. Flynn quickly read the note along the bottom of the page. 

“ _ Varian scared me - he tried to kill my mother and Cass and attacked the kingdom. But I still feel like I let him down - he’s scared and lost his dad, and I hope Father doesn’t treat him badly.” _

He lay the book down with some concern, staring at the image. He had only known the princess for a day, but he could already tell she was soft-hearted. Too soft-hearted. 

Maybe even soft-hearted enough to give a second chance to someone who didn’t deserve it. 


	3. i have died so many times, but i am still alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varian has a bad time. Flynn starts figuring some things out. Rapunzel works through some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *kicks door down* who's ready for a 7,000-word chapter! And this isn't even the longest one. Anyway, this one was a pain bc I finished the first draft of the whole story and then realised I had to add in a whole scene that DIDN'T WANT TO BE ADDED IN.   
> Anyway, enjoy!

Varian barely slept, dozing occasionally through the night only to wake to violent shivers. Part of him was glad to see the soft light of the sun appearing through the trees - at least it would be  _ warmer _ . 

He unrolled from the tight ball he had been curled in for most of the night, rubbing his eyes and pushing himself up against the tree, wrapping his arms around his legs again. At least the cold had numbed the bruise of his knee - that was something, right? 

He watched the camp as it slowly came to life, fires flickering back to light and people moving back and forth, preparing breakfast. Varian's stomach growled as the smell slowly began to make its way towards him and he glared at it. 

“I ate last night, you’re fine,” he muttered, as though that would stop his protesting stomach. Unfortunately, it didn’t help and the hunger only grew as the morning did. 

A pile of scrolls landed near him, jolting him out of a half doze. He blinked, scrambling to his feet so Andrew towered over him slightly less. 

“Morning, buddy!” Andrew said, grinning at him. “How’d you sleep?” 

“It was wonderful,” Varian muttered. “Roots and stones are very comfortable to sleep on, did you know that?” 

“Can’t say I do.” Andrew kicked a boot over the patch of ground Varian had spent the night on, grinning down at him with a malicious light in his eyes. “You had a good think about our  _ talk _ last night?” 

Varian crossed his arms and glared at Andrew. 

“Oh c’mon, kid - at least _look_ at the scrolls before you dismiss me. You might like them!” 

“I’m not going to help you,” Varian said shortly. Andrew shrugged, turning and pacing a few steps, his hands folded behind his back. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” He paused, looking up at the trees and Varian crossed an arm over his body, watching him warily. 

“I’m not promising anything,” he said. “But I’m not going to help you.” 

“Promises are a sore spot for you, aren’t they, kid?” Andrew said, turning to face him again. Varian glared at him, refusing to let his emotions show. “Look at one of the scrolls, Varian. If you don’t make yourself useful I might regret our agreement.” 

His voice was suddenly hard and Varian knew from experience that tone never meant good things. He hesitated a long moment, uncertain. If he backed down now, it might be harder to hold his ground later, on more important things. But he knew Andrew wasn’t going to take no easily - maybe it was best to save his strength. 

Andrew bent, picking one up and holding it out. Varian hesitated, hand hovering momentarily above it. Then, barely without thinking, he snatched it out of Andrew’s hand and ripped it in half. 

The two pieces of paper fluttered to the ground as he glared at Andrew. A flicker of barely hidden anger crossed the man’s face and he stepped forward, grabbing Varian’s chin and pulling his face up. 

“That was stupid,” he said, his voice calm in a way that made it all the more dangerous. 

“Maybe,” Varian answered. “But I’m still not helping you.” 

“You really should, kid. Second chances only last so long.” His other hand grabbed the collar of Varian’s shirt, shoving him back into the tree. Varian bit back a whimper of surprise, one hand gripping Andrew’s arm, heart beating quickly. “Your so-called friends at Corona won’t come looking for you, I’m sure they’re glad to be finally rid of you. Make yourself  _ useful _ ,” the anger shone through and Andrew shoved Varian’s head back, slamming him roughly into the tree “and make the damned blueprints.” 

“No,” Varian growled, fighting down the growing panic. Andrew’s eyes narrowed. He threw Varian’s head sideways, dropping him to the ground. Varian instinctively curled into himself, memories of kicks and beatings rising unbidden to the surface of his memories. 

A pressure began to grow on his leg and he pulled his arms away from his face to see Andrew leaning a booted foot on his left leg, splayed out at a slightly awkward angle. 

“C’mon, kid,” he said, and Varian glared up at him, one hand curled in his hair. “Don’t make this too hard on yourself.” 

“Never.” 

The growing pressure on his leg was bringing tears to his eyes and it was twisted awkwardly, pressure rising. 

“I really don’t want to do this, buddy.” Andrew sounded genuine in his reluctance, but Varian knew he was enjoying every moment of this. Enjoying the  _ power _ . 

“I’m not going to help you hurt my kingdom - my  _ friends _ ,” he hissed, looking up at his captor through tears in his eyes. 

Andrew sighed, a deep, heavy sigh that sounded full of regret. He twisted his foot, pressing harder. 

Something snapped and Varian  _ screamed _ . 

White-hot  _ pain _ shot through his whole leg and he couldn’t breathe for a moment. The pain was so intense, for a moment it was all that existed. Slowly, he became aware of Andrew crouching in front of him, cupping his chin in his hand. Varian blinked up at him, tears leaving streaks on his cheeks. 

“I do wish it hadn’t come to that,” Andrew said. Varian bit back a noise of pain, trying to glare at him. “Think about it. I really do think it’s in everyone’s best interests if you help out, yeah? You’re not going back to your ‘friends’ - don’t expect them to come to your rescue.” 

He dropped Varian’s head and the boy dropped, curling into a ball, his leg twisted out at an unnatural angle. Varian was vaguely aware of Andrew’s retreating footsteps, focusing on breathing, on not crying, on anything but the burning pain from his leg. 

He needed to do something - needed to see what the damage was. After a long time - how long, he wasn’t sure - of lying curled on the ground he gritted his teeth and pushed himself up. 

Every time he jostled his leg pain shot through him again. Finally, he managed to struggle to a sitting position, wiping a hand across his face to clear the tears. His leg was twisted unnaturally, and he knew that if he didn’t deal with it soon it would cause long term damage. 

With a shaky breath, he cast about, trying to see what was around. The ground around the tree was littered with branches, and by pulling himself a few, agonizing feet, he managed to gather enough wood to make a rough splint. 

His hands fumbled with his apron, finally pulling it off his belt. The sight of the blood -  _ Eugene’s _ blood - still splattered on it and the throbbing pain from his leg was enough for him to almost lose what limited food he had in his stomach, but somehow, he swallowed it down and kept moving. 

His cold hands made tying the splint almost impossible, but eventually, he had managed it to a satisfactory state. Exhausted, he leaned back against the tree, he shut his eyes, trying not to shiver, trying not to cry. 

~*~ 

Rapunzel had given up trying to sleep around midnight, instead leaving her too empty bed (Eugene had been given his old room again and she understood why, but she  _ missed him _ ) and checking up on the refugees. They had continued to stream into the capital throughout the day, and temporary quarters had been set up in the throne room. 

She spent the night helping settle children, comforting those who had lost their homes, rocking screaming babies so their parents could get a rest. It felt good, to be actually doing  _ something _ instead of the endless talks. 

She had attracted a small crowd of children in the early morning as the sun began to filter through the windows. Settled on the stairs leading to the stage the abandoned thrones were seated on, she had two small children on her lap, and a group of others from a wide-eyed two-year-old to a teenager trying not to look interested scatted around her as she told the story of how Pascal had been mistaken as a god by a tribe of leaf people. The chameleon in question, still half asleep on her shoulder, added a few sleepy chirps from time to time. 

“And then… Pascal leapt right into the giant bug’s mouth!” she said, leaning in close, and was rewarded by a gasp from the children. “But a moment later, it started changing - and became less angry! It had just been angry because it had been eating the spicy hot fruit of the island - and Pascal had saved the day by giving it the soothing roots!” 

There was a scattered cheer from the children, and Pascal shifted on her shoulder, puffing out his chest and looking smug. 

“Princess?” She looked up to see Eugene, a look of slight concern in his eyes and her face lit up with a smile, even though hearing him call her ‘princess’ reminded her of everything he had forgotten. “Can we talk?” 

A chorus of protests arose from the children, begging for one more story. She didn't  _ want _ to leave - at least here, with the children around her and the memories of their adventures fresh in her mind, she didn’t have to worry about everything that was going wrong around her.

Besides, one more story might be useful in other ways. 

“Can it wait for one more story?” she asked, a mischievous note to her voice. Eugene had a weakness for children, she knew, and if it wasn’t important he would agree. Sure enough, as the children gave eager assent to her suggestion, he sighed and she shifted to make room for him, depositing one of the children she was holding into his lap as he sat down. 

“How about I tell you all the story of how Eugene here rescued me from my tower?” she asked, leaning close as though it were a secret, forbidden tale. The children leaned in, eyes shining. It was doubtless a story they had all heard before - but it was one they would love to hear again, and coming from someone who had lived it made it all the more exciting. 

She kept half an eye on Eugene as she told it. Watching,  _ hoping _ , to see any sign of recognition in his eyes, any hint that he recognised the story she was telling. 

Her voice caught a few times as she reached the end, as she spoke of what had happened in the tower, and she subconsciously reached for Eugene’s hand as she spoke about how he had died, keeping her voice light for the children. This time, Eugene’s hand slipped easily into her’s and she squeezed it tightly. 

A few of the children had shimmering eyes as she finished the story, and she wrapped the girl she was holding into a tight hug, laughing lightly.   
  
“Alright,” she said, laying the girl on the ground. “You’d best go see your parents now, okay? I have to talk to Eugene.” 

With a few reluctant groans, the children began to pick themselves up, some running back into the crowd to find their parents, a few lingering. Rapunzel stood, watching as Eugene set the boy he was holding on the ground and waved goodbye. 

“I love you, princess,” one of the children said, wrapping a hug around Rapunzel’s legs. Rapunzel smiled, crouching down and pulling her into a brief hug. 

Eventually, it was just the two of them, and Rapunzel turned to Eugene with a smile. He was looking at her with a slightly bemused expression. 

“I  _ died _ ?” 

Rapunzel couldn’t help but laugh at the offended note to his voice. She shoved his uninjured shoulder playfully, reaching for his hand, and again - he didn’t pull away. It was enough, for now. Enough to know he was still there, even if he didn’t fully remember. 

“Yes, and you flaunted it around the castle for about three months after we got home!” she said, beginning to walk towards the door. He kept pace, a slightly confused look to him. 

“You didn’t tell me  _ that _ part.” 

“It didn’t seem important,” she said lightly as they left the throne room, moving through the wakening halls. She knew she would have to step back into the raging sea of meetings and planning soon, but for now, it was enough to walk with Eugene. 

“Not important?” he spluttered. “I  _ died _ and you don’t think that’s important?” 

“Aw, you big baby,” she said, stopping and reaching up to pinch his cheeks. “You walked it off pretty well, don’t pout so.” 

“Oh, now you’re starting to sound like  _ Cassandra _ ,” he complained, and something in Rapunzel’s chest leapt. 

“You remember Cass?” she asked, her face lighting up. She lowered her hands, reaching for Eugene’s hand that wasn’t in the sling. He shrugged his good shoulder. 

“Bits and pieces. Flashes - emotions. Plus, what was in that journal helped.” 

“It did?” she asked, squeezing his hand. Parting with the journal had been surprisingly hard - especially now, when she wanted to fill its pages with the confusing and overwhelming blur of emotions that had been spinning through her mind. But it was worth it, if Eugene could  _ remember _ again. 

He nodded, something more serious taking over his face. 

“Partly what I wanted to talk about,” he said quietly. 

“Everything okay?” she asked.

“Pretty broad question, really,” he said, a hint of dark humour to his voice. Rapunzel had to smile, because the alternative would be to curl in a ball and cry; of  _ course _ everything wasn’t okay. “Look, it’s about the… missing engineer.” 

“Varian,” she supplied, sharp pain in her heart as he couldn’t even remember his name. They were close - very close - and to see him completely forget Varian  _ hurt _ . 

“Yeah,” Eugene said. He sighed, pulling his hand free and rubbing the back of his neck. “Look…” he hesitated, clearly trying to find the words and Rapunzel felt unease curl in her chest. “Should we be putting resources into finding him?” 

“What?” she demanded, a flash of anger washing through her. He held up his hand, eyes worried. 

“I mean… I’m not sure I have the full story, but we’re stretched thin. Your father was right yesterday - maybe we should just leave it lie.” 

“No. No, I’m  _ not _ abandoning Varian,” Rapunzel said, pulling away from Eugene. He shifted slightly nervously and she felt a swarming rush of anger and confusion. How  _ could  _ he suggest that? 

“I know, I get that but... What if he’s dangerous?” He spoke quietly, as though it were a secret and Rapunzel felt a little of her anger towards him fade, replaced with a swirling of grief and rage towards whoever had  _ done this _ . 

“Varian isn’t dangerous,” she said quietly, her hands clenched tightly. Pascal chirped sharply on her shoulder, agreeing. 

“Are you sure though?” He paused, reaching into his shirt to pull out the journal and flipped through a few pages before holding the book out. “This is the same person that’s missing, right?” 

Oh. 

So  _ that’s _ what it was all about. Varian’s past coming back to haunt him in the worst way possible. She pressed the book down, glaring up at Eugene. 

“That was a long time ago,” she said shortly, sharply. “Varian is  _ not _ dangerous. And I will find him.” 

“Even so, if he got himself caught why should we put the rest of the kingdom in danger for one person? He may not even be  _ alive _ .” 

A flare of  _ rage _ shot through her at the words and she clenched her fists, fighting it down. 

“That sounds just like something Flynn Rider would say,” she snapped. 

“Well I’m  _ sorry _ , Princess,” he said, eyes flashing. “But I  _ am _ Flynn Rider. And you’re stuck with  _ me _ .” 

_ “You’re not! _ ” she wanted to scream. “ _ You’re Eugene Fitzherbert, the man I love, the man I  _ married _. Come  _ back _ to me!”  _

But she didn’t say anything, eyes flashing, hands clenched tight enough for her nails to dig into her skin. 

“I am not abandoning Varian,” she hissed, and before he could say anything else that would shatter her further she turned, walking briskly away and trying to remember how to breathe. 

~*~ 

“You’re a mess, kid.” 

Varian looked up through bleary eyes, blinking a few times and fighting down nausea, head pounding in protest. Juniper stood above him and he couldn’t help but be glad to see her - at least it wasn’t Andrew. 

She crouched beside him, holding out a cup. Varian slowly reached out, taking it from her and didn’t hesitate to down the whole thing, the water tasting sweeter than anything he had ever drunk before. 

“Thanks,” he muttered, handing the cup back and curling into a ball again, broken leg held out awkwardly. 

“He’s not going to stop,” she said slowly, carefully. Varian looked up slowly, trying not to show the fear he felt at her words. He knew Andrew wasn’t one to give up - wasn’t one to take no for an answer. And Varian was  _ terrified _ of what that would mean. His leg was still sending shafts of pain shooting through his body and his head was pounding, foggy from lack of proper sleep. Not to mention the shivers that still wracked his body, made his leg flare up whenever he moved. 

“I’m not going to help him,” he muttered. Juniper shifted, settling into a more comfortable position. 

“Why?” she asked, and it seemed like a genuine question. “I mean… why not? You helped us before - I know there’s no love lost between you and the princess. Why help her?” 

Varian didn’t answer for a long moment, staring at a bug crawling across the roots of the tree, trying to gather his thoughts. 

“Because she’s my friend,” he began, but it felt like a weak answer. He wanted her to  _ understand _ , to see why he couldn’t betray them, couldn’t do anything that would hurt them. “I - I can’t let her down. Not again.” 

“So… it’s recompense for what you did last time?” Juniper asked. Again, she sounded genuinely curious, and Varian couldn’t help but be grateful. It was nice to have someone to talk to, someone who wasn’t trying to make him do anything, who seemed to actually care. 

“No, not exactly,” he said quietly. He shifted, looking up at the sky. “She forgave me. She helped me. She… she saved me from myself. I can’t betray that.” He looked back down, meeting Juniper’s eyes. “Rapunzel is my friend.” 

“So was Andrew. So were  _ we _ ,” she said, and Varian dropped his eyes again. She did have a point there - as much as he hated to admit it, but his time with the Saporians had been… nice, in its own way. He had felt like he had belonged, like he was a part of something. 

It was better than what had come before, at any rate. 

“I’m not going to hurt any more people. I can’t be that person anymore,” he said finally. Juniper nodded slowly, frowning. 

“So you’re a coward?” she asked, but it wasn’t an accusing tone. Varian snorted. 

“Sure, if you want to put it that way,” he said. Then, before he could think enough to stop himself, he blurted out, “Why are you working with Andrew?” 

She blinked, seeming startled at the question. 

“To return Saporia to its former glory,” she said, reciting the usual line Varian had heard time and again. 

“But… why stay? After you were locked in prison, after…” he paused, gesturing to his leg, and something flickered in her eyes. “Why stay? Isn’t it better to live your own life, not be bogged down by an ancient grudge?” 

“You’re lucky he didn’t kill you,” she said, an invisible wall slamming up. Varian scowled. 

“Sure, lucky. Tied to a tree, my leg is  _ broken _ , I’m probably catching pneumonia. I’m super lucky.” 

“You should do what he asks,” she said, her voice hard now. “It would make everything a lot easier.” 

“Never,” Varian scowled, pulling his knee closer to himself, shivering again. Was that why she had come? A friendly face, someone other than Andrew. He was stupid to think he may have found an ally - no, he was  _ alone _ here, he may as well get used to it. “Tell Andrew a new face isn’t going to change my mind.” 

“That wasn’t why I came,” she said, standing. Varian glared up at her. 

“It may as well have been,” he muttered. She didn’t answer, just turned and walked back to the camp. Varian shut his eyes tightly, trying to keep his breathing even. 

It was barely five minutes later when a shadow covered the sun and he looked up to see Andrew standing over him. Fear curled in his chest and he tried to shift away, his leg sending stabbing pain through his body. 

Andrew crouched in front of him and Varian balled his fists, wishing he could stand without fear his legs would collapse. Or he would pass out - passing out was probably a very likely possibility. 

“Impressive,” Andrew said, rapping a hand on the splint. Flashing pain shot through Varian and he sucked in a tight breath, shutting his eyes. “So? What do you say, kid? Could be just like old times.” 

Varian didn’t answer. 

“Oh, come  _ on _ , buddy! We’re having a cards night tonight, I  _ know _ you enjoyed cards. Stop being so stubborn. Let Clementine have a look at your leg, we can get you in some proper clothes and by the fire.” 

He couldn’t deny it sounded nice. Nice to have warm clothes, to  _ be _ warm. To fill his stomach and to not be left out in the cold.

But he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to help Andrew - wasn’t going to betray his friends. 

“No? C’mon, buddy.” 

“I’m not going to help you,” Varian muttered. 

Andrew sighed, a long, heavy, disappointed sigh and Varian bit his lip, ducking his head. Once, that particular sigh was enough to send him scurrying to do whatever he was told. This time, it only served to heighten his fear. 

“How about I remind you where you came from, yeah?” Andrew asked. He pulled a knife out of his belt and Varian stiffened, scrambling back a pace on his good leg, heart thumping widely. Andrew didn’t seem to react, simply snatching up the rope tying Varian to the tree and slicing through it. 

For a moment, Varian wondered what he was doing. Then he realized there was nothing tying him to the tree - no reason not to run. But before he could even fully finish the thought, could even begin to consider how that would work on his broken leg, Andrew slipped the knife away and picked Varian up. 

White-hot  _ pain _ shot through him as his leg moved and he cried out, instinctively gripping Andrew’s arms. He gasped for breath, trying to breathe again, trying to fight down the pain and the nausea. 

By the time the pain had faded to a bearable throb, they were halfway across the camp. By the time Varian’s sluggish brain had caught up, Andrew had stopped, standing in front of a small, wooden cart. 

“Couple days in solitary and maybe you’ll remember what you owe us,” he said, moving. The pain flared up again and Varian cried out, blacking out for a moment. 

When he came too he was trapped. He took a shaky breath, pushing himself up, reaching his hand out in the dark. It brushed the side of the room and he reached in the other direction only to find another wall. 

Heart beating quickly, he pushed himself into an awkward sitting position, head scraping against the roof. His breath was coming in quick gasps as he realised just how  _ small _ this space was. 

Small spaces had never bothered him hugely - he hadn’t minded having to crawl into a small space, or curling up somewhere hidden with a book. 

But ever since prison, he hated feeling trapped. He needed to see doors, to know he could leave whenever he wanted, to be able to move freely and  _ breathe _ . 

This was not that. It was dark, only a few slivers of light slipping through cracks in the wood. He couldn’t  _ breathe _ , he couldn’t  _ see _ , he couldn’t  _ move _ . 

His breath was coming in quick bursts as he tried to calm down. He clenched his fists, curling into a small ball and squeezing his eyes shut. 

He wished Ruddiger was here. Wanted nothing more but to curl up around his friend, to feel the comforting raccoon kisses. Ruddiger had  _ always _ been there, why wasn’t he now? 

He curled in a ball, gripping his hair, breathing quickly. 

~*~ 

The early winter sun was weak as Flynn closed his eyes, basking in what little warmth it gave off. The last day had been a confusing blur as he tried to navigate suddenly living in the palace, being married to the princess, courtly life - not to mention the growing threat of war. 

Another village had been attacked the night before - this time the attack had been fended off without much loss to property or any casualties. But it was enough to send the castle into a tizzy, meetings happening almost constantly, and Flynn was expected to be at all of them for some reason. Why, he wasn’t sure - it wasn’t like he had anything to  _ add _ . 

He should have left - should have left as soon as he had arrived really. Taken the opportunity to fill a bag with as many valuables as he could and run. But something had kept him, and he wasn’t entirely sure what. Maybe it was the flashes of memory that became stronger the longer he stayed. Maybe it was the strange way everyone accepted him,  _ liked _ him, made him feel like he might have a home here. 

Maybe it was Rapunzel’s bright smile, her endless optimism that somehow hadn’t been dampened despite all that was happening, the urge to not do anything to hurt her. 

Whatever the case, he had stayed. And every moment he stayed was another moment he knew he would regret when this all came tumbling down. He had become attached. 

Because it would come tumbling down - he knew it would. A thief didn’t belong in a palace. 

Rapunzel had been distant since their conversation yesterday morning. Largely because of the work she had in helping the kingdom recover and prepare, but he recognised something else in her distance. 

He had hurt her, the other morning. Said something he probably never would have and hurt her. She was distancing herself so she didn’t get hurt again. 

He didn’t blame her, really. Part of him just wanted everyone to see he wasn’t who they wanted him to be. Then maybe he could leave without feeling the pull to stay. 

“There you are.” 

Lance was slightly breathless as he emerged from the trapdoor. Flynn pushed himself up on an elbow and watched with some amusement as his friend pulled himself onto the roof beside him. 

He had found the roof access the day before, wanting a place to hide away from the reminders that he didn’t belong in this world. The roof seemed like the perfect place, quiet, out of the way. 

Lance settled beside him and he closed his eyes again, leaning his head back on his arm. His injured arm was still wrapped in its sling, but he was getting antsy to take it off - it was just a little cut, he was  _ fine _ . 

“How’re you doing.” 

“Peachy,” Flynn muttered, not opening his eyes. Lance snorted, shifting beside him. Flynn sensed rather than saw that he had laid down beside him. “I’m surprised they haven't seen through me yet, if I’m being honest.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lance asked. Flynn shrugged. 

“Clearly I don’t belong here. I can’t remember what I’ve done to convince them I do. It’s really only a matter of time before they find out and I’m on my own again, right?” 

Lance sat up, blocking the sun, and Flynn opened an eye to glare up at him. 

“You really think that?” When Flynn didn’t answer, he continued. “You do know you’re the one who found the lost princess?” 

“Apparently,” Flynn said. He pushed himself up to face Lance. “But you know -  _ I can’t remember _ .” 

It was infuriating. Knowing he’d  _ done _ things that he couldn’t remember. Knowing that everything they told him could be a lie - that he had no  _ idea _ who he was, only who they told him he was supposed to be. 

“It’ll take time,” Lance said, shrugging slightly. “The king and queen didn’t get their memories back for months - we’ll figure it out, Eugene.” 

“I don’t  _ want _ to be like this for  _ months _ ,” he said with a groan, lying back down. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” 

“Be Eugene then,” Lance said. Flynn stared up at the sky, not answering for a long moment. 

“Who’s he,” he muttered finally. 

“You are. You get to figure it out - who do you want to be?” 

Silence fell over them for a long moment while Flynn considered the question. He hadn’t really thought of it that way before. Flynn Rider or Eugene Fitzherbert - who did he want to be? 

With a small note of surprise, he realized he  _ wanted _ to be who they thought he was. He wanted to earn the respect they gave him, the love Rapunzel showed him, even though she was trying to avoid him. He didn’t  _ want _ to leave. 

“Eugene,” he said finally, pushing himself up and looking at Lance. “I guess I want to be Eugene.” 

The question remained, would they let him? He had lost the memories that made him the man they knew - how long would it take before they shunned him because of that? 

Lance grinned, slapping him on the back. 

“That’s the spirit!” he said. “Good to have you back, buddy. Now, what’s going on between you and Rapunzel?” 

The abrupt change of topic threw Eugene slightly and he paused a moment, gathering his thoughts. 

“We had an argument,” he said finally. He sighed - a part of him wanted to take that moment back, but he stood by what he said. Varian sounded dangerous, and wasting resources on one person was always a stupid thing. It was just practical, lessons he had learned from  _ years _ of fending for himself.

Besides, if that small argument was enough to have her avoiding him, maybe it was good to figure out their boundaries early on. Before he had expectations that would be crushed. 

“What do you think about Varian?” he asked slowly, watching Lance carefully. 

“He’s a cool kid,” Lance said, a flicker of worry crossing his face. “I hope we can find him. Hope he’s alright.” 

Eugene didn’t answer, pulling a leg up and resting his arm on his knee. Part of him wanted to share his concerns with Lance but sensed he would get a similar reaction to Rapunzel’s. 

“What did… I... think about him?” he asked slowly, watching the trees move across the water. Lance grinned, following his gaze. 

“You two are super close - Team Awesome,” he said. “Like brothers, really.” Something churned in Eugene’s stomach and he looked down at the roof. Every instinct in him screamed that Varian was dangerous, that searching for him was a waste of time and resources. But everyone was saying the opposite. He shifted, pulling his other leg up and hugging his knees. “You okay, Eugene?” 

“Yeah, yeah, just… thinking,” he muttered. 

For a moment, there was an almost awkward silence and Eugene cast his mind about to try and find a topic to change to. “Hey, quick question - who thought it was a good idea to let you be a dad?” he said finally, remembering the two rambunctious girls who he had kept occupied that morning. Lance grinned, sensing the need for a change in topic and accepting Eugene’s offer. 

“You did,” he said and Eugene glared at him. 

“Sure I did,” he muttered. “I’ve done a lot of things, apparently.” 

The silence they slipped into was far more comfortable and Eugene closed his eyes, enjoying the cool breeze. 

“So now is probably not the best time to mention your long lost father who’s also king of a faraway land?” Lance said and Eugene opened his eyes again. 

“You know, the girls mentioned that this morning, but they also mentioned being kidnapped by a dragon, Keira being a werewolf and magical space stones, so I’m really not sure I believe you.” 

Lance’s face was worrying, to say the least. 

“Catalina’s the werewolf,” he said finally and with a drawn-out groan, Eugene pressed his face into his knees and tried not to scream. 

~*~

“You have been avoiding your husband.” 

Rapunzel looked up from checking over the inventory of supplies they had gathered for the refugees. Her mother was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, eyebrows raised slightly and Rapunzel sighed. 

“Hey, Mum,” she said, standing and laying the list of inventory she was holding on top of one of the crates. The two maids who had been helping her exchanged a glance and quietly slipped out of the room. 

“Rapunzel,” Arianna said, her voice even, quiet. “What’s going on between you and Eugene?” 

“It’s nothing, I’ve just been busy,” Rapunzel said cheerfully, picking up the inventory sheet again and staring at it. She didn’t want to think about the conversation the day before, about how Eugene was so  _ different _ , about how she feared he would never return. 

“Honey, I know it’s hard,” Arianna said quietly. She stepped forward, gently taking the inventory from Rapunzel and laying it down. With a small smile, she picked up Rapunzel’s hands. “Talk to him - he needs you.” 

She wanted to. Eugene was  _ always _ the first person she went to, always the first person she came to with problems, with fears, with grief. Eugene had always been there for her, had always supported her and helped her through hard times. 

She didn’t know _ what _ to do when it felt like he had betrayed her. 

She sighed, looking away and letting her smile drop. 

“He’s just… so different,” she said finally, and Arianna squeezed her hands. 

“So were you, four years ago,” she said quietly. “Give him time - you were so patient with your father and I - why not Eugene?” 

“It’s just…” Rapunzel hesitated, trying to capture her wild thoughts. “It’s easier to avoid him than see him like that… There’s so much else - the Saporians, and the refugees, and Varian is still missing and I don’t even know if-” She cut herself off, not wanting to voice that fear. Not wanting to listen to the growing concern that Varian was never coming home. Instead, she took a deep breath and looked up at her mother. “I don’t know what to do,” she said quietly, feeling strangely vulnerable. 

“And that’s why you need Eugene on your side,” Arianna said quietly. “He still loves you, and no one said marriage was easy. Although,” she added, with a slight smile to her voice, “I don’t think ‘magical amnesia’ is a thing most couples deal with.” 

“It must run in the family,” Rapunzel said with a slight smile. The smile faded a moment later and she sighed. “I’ll talk to him. I  _ miss _ him.”

“I know, honey,” Arianna said quietly. She sighed, reaching up to cup Rapunzel’s face in her hands and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I wish I could help more, but you have to figure this out together.” 

Rapunzel closed her eyes for a moment, leaning into her mother. Then she took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Thank you,” she said, moving forward and pulling her mother into a quick hug. 

“I’ll finish up here - go,” Arianna said, gently pulling Rapunzel back. She nodded and turned to leave. 

She found him sitting on the roof, Lance directing her when she ran into him in the halls. Eugene was sitting on the roof, legs crossed, staring across the bay. 

“Hey,” she said softly and he started, turning to look at her. A smile flickered across his face and he shifted as though making room for her. She accepted the invitation, settling beside him and resisting the urge to lean into him. 

For a moment, she sat, trying to find the words to say. Her own memory of waking up in a strange place, people telling her she was someone she wasn’t, came back to her. She had been struck by the wand of Oblivium before and though it had only been for a short time (and she cursed that the book with the antidote had been lost) she still remembered how disorientating it was. 

“The engineer,” Eugene said, breaking the silence before Rapunzel had a chance to get her thoughts in order. “I trusted him, right?” 

“Of course,” Rapunzel said quietly. 

“Right,” Eugene said quietly. He was silent for a long moment and then let out a long sigh, turning to face her. “I can’t. Not right now. Not yet.” He sounded apologetic, and Rapunzel fought down the anger and irritation. 

Once again, she thought back to her own moment of amnesia, her distrust and fear of Cassandra. Of  _ Eugene _ . 

“I… understand,” she said slowly. “I - I should have been  _ more _ understanding.” 

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear,” Eugene said quietly. “But I can’t trust someone I don’t remember meeting - especially when he has a history. I just…” He paused, looking down, opening and closing a hand in his lap. “I don’t want you to get hurt. And maybe I’m going about that in a way that you’re not used to, but I... can’t remember. I’m doing my best, and I  _ want _ to remember. Just… be patient with me?” He looked up at her as he said the last and Rapunzel felt a lump in her throat. 

“Of course, Eugene,” she said around the lump, reaching forward to pick up his hand. “I  _ love _ you - I always will, no matter what happens. I just wish…” She closed her eyes, squeezing his hand tightly. “I wish I could fix this for you.” 

If she could - if she could remove the confusion from his mind, if she could  _ bring him back _ she would. Without hesitating - no matter what it cost her. She hated seeing him like this, so confused, so lost. 

“Time, right?” he said quietly, reaching forward with his free hand and brushing hair out of her face. “We’ll get there.” 

She smiled, and for the first time since he had come home, it was  _ Eugene _ in front of her, not Flynn Rider. 

She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. If she could stay here, like this, forever, she would. 

~*~

_ “Dad?”  _

_ Varian’s feet were cold on the stone floor as he padded forward, trying to find his father. The churning fear was growing and he stepped deeper into the pitch darkness, squinting to see if he could make out anything.  _

_ “Eugene? Rapunzel?”  _

_ They should be here, he knew. Where were they?  _

_ Shakily, he turned - and the darkness surrounded him, closing in on him. He gripped his arm, stepping back uncertainly, only to notice a faint, amber light glowing behind him.  _

_ He spun in a rush of panic, heart beating quickly.  _

_ “No,” he whispered, stepping forward, a hand held out.  _

_ His father stood before him, frozen in amber, reaching up like Varian had seen him so many times before. His heart beat quickly - then faster as he made out the shapes behind his father. Rapunzel and Eugene, frozen as well, reaching out to each other.  _

_ “No! I - I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” _

_ He stumbled back, eyes wide, heart beating quickly. But cold metal pressed into his back and he spun, making out the hard, cold metal of prison bars.  _

_ The walls closed in around him and he stumbled back, heart beating quickly, hands over his head. A wall pressed up against his back and he sank to the floor, curling into himself, shaking.  _

_ Something cold began moving up his leg and he stiffened, pulling away. The amber was slowly spreading, filling the darkness of the area he sat in, crawling up his legs. He tried to scramble to his feet but his leg gave way and he collapsed to the ground.  _

_ He pulled against the amber, but more and more of his legs were becoming encased. He couldn’t move - couldn’t escape, could only watch with growing panic as the amber continued to spread. He hit at it, pulled his legs, shouted, but nothing worked.  _

_ (The cell walls closed in around him as the amber continued crawling) _

_ It spread, up his legs, up his body, freezing his arms in place. He took in a shaky breath, reaching his head high, trying to breathe.  _

_ He couldn't move. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t MOVE. He pulled with all his might but nothing worked, nothing changed. He was trapped, trapped and the amber was closing over his face, closing over his mouth and he couldn’t  _ breathe. 

He woke with a gasp, pushing himself up and crying out in pain as his leg moved. His head pressed against the side of the box he was in and he started away, flailing, his hand hitting the other side. 

He couldn’t move. He couldn’t move. The boxed closed in around him and panic bubbled inside, panic that grew more as he tried to push himself up, as he kept hitting the side of the box, he couldn’t stretch his arms out, he couldn’t move he couldn’t  _ breathe _

“Let me out!” he screamed, the panic finally escaping. He shoved at the side of the box, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t  _ move _ . “Let me out! Please, Please, let me _ out _ .” 

He couldn't breathe and he was going to  _ die _ in here, the panic pressing on his chest, making him feel like he was about to explode. He couldn’t move he couldn't move he couldn’t  _ move _ . 

He curled into a ball, sobbing, shivering, pain shooting through him. He couldn’t  _ breathe _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DONT HAVE TO WRITE FLYNN ANYMORE!


	4. i believe in the things that i am afraid to say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varian makes a decision, Rapunzel worries, Eugene comes to a conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nearly nine thousand word chapter today let's GO.

The light was like a breath of fresh air. As Varian’s eyes adjusted he felt like he could breathe again for the first time in he didn’t know how long. He lifted his head on shaky arms, face streaked with tears to take in Andrew, arms crossed as he stood outside the small cart. 

They had moved at some point during the day or so Varian had been trapped inside - the cart had bumped along the ground, sending pain shooting through his broken leg at every pothole and bump until he had eventually - finally - slipped into unconsciousness. 

He pulled himself towards the exit, the need to  _ get out _ suddenly overwhelming. Andrew helped him by hauling him out by his collar and he dropped to the ground with a cry of pain, catching himself on his hands and lowering his head. 

He was  _ exhausted _ . He hadn’t been able to stop the shivering, and coughing fits were becoming more and more regular - not to mention the broken leg. 

“So, kid,” Andrew said, crouching above him and lifting his head. Varian tried to glare at him, but he didn’t have the energy - didn’t want to risk being thrown back in the cart. “Feeling like cooperating? Or do you want another night in there?” 

The thought of going back in sent a jolt of animal  _ panic _ rushing through him. He  _ couldn’t _ go back - the thought had his heart in his mouth and a bubble of terror making it hard to breathe. He shook his head before he even had a chance to think, and a smile that didn’t reach his eyes appeared on Andrew’s face. 

“Atta boy,” he said, patting Varian’s cheek and dropping his chin. Varian’s head dropped again and he shut his eyes, taking a shaky breath as his brain began to catch up. What was he doing? He was a  _ coward _ , unable to stand strong. 

A sheet of parchment appeared on the ground before him and Varian opened his eyes to see the schematics of some kind of machine grinning up at him. It didn’t take long to figure out what it did - a form of giant canon, using heated water from a river or sea to build up pressure that, when released, would fire a missile. 

The equations were wrong in some places, Varian saw very quickly, but it wouldn’t be hard to fix. 

He wasn’t going to fix it though. He  _ couldn’t _ . He couldn’t make something that would hurt his friends - not again, not anymore. He couldn’t. 

So he shook his head again, pushing himself up and fighting back a whimper of pain as he sat. 

“I’m not going to help you,” he rasped, voice dry and hoarse. Andrew’s expression darkened and Varian clenched his fists. He didn’t  _ want _ to go back into the dark and the small, he  _ couldn’t _ \- the fear was almost overpowering. 

“Be smart about this, kid,” Andrew said, resting his arms on his knees and leaning forward from where he crouched. “You say yes, and we get you in some proper clothes, some proper food, a proper bed, get that leg looked at. If not…” he trailed off, glancing back up at the cart. Varian shut his eyes, heart thumping quickly. 

He opened them again to stare at the plans. For a long moment, he didn’t say anything, not wanting to commit to returning to the dark, not wanting to betray his friends. 

And then something clicked. 

His brain kicked into gear and he blinked, running equations through his mind. Maybe there was another way out of this - it wouldn’t take much to change a few things here and there, purposely mess up an equation. He could easily change it so that instead of building up pressure to fire something, it would build up pressure to explode. 

Hope bust to light in his chest - he didn’t  _ have _ to go back. He didn’t _ have _ to betray his friends. He could sabotage the Saporians, make it explode and take their weapon, maybe a few of them in the process. 

And if he happened to get caught in the blast - well, there wasn’t much he could do about that. 

“Tick tock, V. What do you say?” Andrew asked, rocking slightly on the balls of his feet. Varian carefully schooled his expression, slumping his shoulders and trying to look as defeated as possible. 

“Alright,” he said quietly, and it wasn’t hard to sound miserable. “Fine. Just… don’t make me go back in there.” 

“Wouldn't dream of it,” Andrew said, his eyes glinting. He stood, laying a hand briefly on Varian’s shoulder and began issuing orders. 

Within moments, Varian’s situation had changed dramatically. New clothes were found, his old taken away who knows where (and part of him hated that - hated that the last thing he had of  _ home _ was taken from him). Clementine, acting as the camp’s medic, redid his splint and fixed up his broken leg as best she could. He was bustled close to a fire, a blanket thrown over his shoulders, his leg propped up on a log, food and drink provided. 

Within half an hour of agreeing to help, he was warm, full and almost comfortable. It was… strange, to say the least, to sit beside the fire, a warm hot cocoa wrapped in his hands, a blanket over his shoulders. The Saporians were talking around him, discussing unimportant things and laughing together. It was familiar, in an almost comforting way. 

Despite all that had happened, he  _ had _ felt like he belonged somewhere - possibly for the first time in his whole life - after joining with the Saporians. He had always been the odd one out in Old Corona, labelled as wizard, as magic, as dangerous. 

And it had become very clear he didn’t belong  _ anywhere _ after his father had been frozen. 

In a strange way, the Saporians had welcomed him into their group, had encouraged his experiments. Sitting here, back among them, most of his fear and pain faded for the moment, he couldn't help but remember being a scared, angry boy who had just needed a support group. 

“ _ Who then abandoned me, and tried to kill me _ ,” he told himself, adjusting his grip on the mug he was holding. “ _ They’re the enemy - I can’t forget that _ .” 

Besides, he  _ had _ a family - a support group, a much better one than those who had betrayed him, kidnapped him, broken his leg. And he was doing this for them, even if he didn’t ever see them again. 

He was half asleep when Juniper nudged his shoulder, waking him with a start. In a moment of panic, his eyes darted around, heart beating quickly until he saw Juniper's slight smirk. 

“Easy, kid,” she said. “Here, I’ll take you to your tent - you can get some sleep.” 

He was too tired to resist, letting her take most of his weight as he limped awkwardly through the camp. The tent was small, in the centre of a number of others and Varian could instantly tell that he wouldn’t be able to get far if he tried to run - not on his leg. 

He didn’t have the energy to try to run, even if he did have two working legs. Even if he dared to try it, which he knew he couldn’t. At the moment, all he wanted to do was curl into a ball and sleep, forget the events of the past week, calm his frayed nerves. 

But there was one more thing he had to ask. Juniper helped him settled onto the bedroll in the centre of the tent and made to leave, but Varian pushed himself up as she did. 

“Wait - what…” He took a shaky breath, almost afraid to ask, to know the answer. “What happened to Eugene? Is - is he… okay?” His voice quavered slightly as he asked and he picked at the bedding, unable to meet her eyes. 

“Why do you care?” she asked, shifting to look back at him. Varian blinked, surprised at the question. 

“Wha - he’s my  _ friend _ ,” he said. How could he  _ not _ care? 

“Yeah, I guess. Some of the things he was saying didn’t sound much like what a friend would say though.” 

_ Eugene’s hand was in his as they sat, back to back, hands bound roughly behind them. Varian’s eyes were shut tight as he tried to keep his breathing even, trying not to give in to the panic that had been threatening to overwhelm him for the past few hours. _

_ “Oh c’mon.” Eugene was speaking, his hand squeezing Varian's as he did. “I’m  _ far _ more valuable than the  _ kid _.” Squeeze. “I’m the captain of the guard, the princess’s husband! He’s no one important.” Squeeze. “Why do you even want him?”  _

“He said that to protect me,” Varian said quietly, looking up. Juniper didn’t look convinced, but Varian didn’t care. “Look can you just tell me? Is he  _ okay _ ?” His voice cracked as he spoke, emotion leaking through. He had been  _ terrified _ for the past few days - terrified that Eugene was dead, that all this had been for  _ nothing _ . 

Juniper sighed, shifting slightly and shrugging. 

“I didn’t get a good look at what Andrew and Clem did to him,” she said finally. “But he was alive when we left.” 

The words sent a rush of relief through Varian and he let out a shaky breath, suddenly fighting back tears. Eugene was  _ alive _ . 

He sank back into his bedding, the relief a physical weight off his shoulders. And suddenly the exhaustion sank in even more and he shivered. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. Juniper snorted, shaking her head and leaving Varian alone. He curled deeper into the bedding, fighting back a cough for as long as he could until he couldn’t anymore. The cough shook his body and he fought back tears as his leg was jostled by it. 

Finally, he collapsed again, curling into a ball as best he could without moving his leg. Despite his exhaustion, his mind was still spiralling, unable to settle to sleep as the memory of the cave continued to play in his mind. 

_ “See, here’s the thing, Fitzherbert,” Andrew said, crouching in front of Varian. Varian glared up at him, glad for the comforting warmth of Eugene’s hand. “Useless as the kid may be, we need both of you.” A knife appeared in his hand and Varian couldn’t help but stiffen, feeling Eugene’s grip tighten. “Because I know you’re not going to tell me what I want without  _ motivation _.”  _

~*~

Eugene spun the sword in his hand, testing its weight. His shoulder complained slightly in protest, but he had been sitting around for long enough and ignored it in favour of sharpening his skills. 

Most of the castle was busy - as they had been almost consistently since Eugene had arrived. The captain had taken a patrol out, leading men around the smaller villages and checking in with those outposted around the wall. Rapunzel and her parents were in yet another meeting, one that Eugene had managed to excuse himself from with a slightly flimsy excuse of needing a breather to get his thoughts in order. 

He didn’t  _ want _ to think, and that was why he had come down to the empty training yard, snagging a sword from the armoury on his way past. Direct, hand to hand sword combat wasn't his preferred method of fighting, but he had developed some skills over the years and was interested to know if he had picked up any more muscle memory in the four years he had forgotten. 

The sword felt comfortable in his hand as he spun it, pacing a few steps and turning, slipping into a familiar practice stance. Ideally, he would have someone to spar with, but since most of the castle was busy, he had to make do with the training dummy in front of him. 

Back, forth, up, down, the solid connection of wood and metal felt good. It felt good to move, to put all his thoughts away from a moment, to breathe and forget what he had forgotten. Up, down, left, right, slash, blow. 

_ He blocked, spinning, the frying pan slamming into the guards’ heads, knocking them down. With a rush of adrenalin, he spun the pan, grinning.  _

_ “Ooh, mama, I have  _ got _ to get me one of these!” _

Up, down, left, right, down, down. He was beginning to breathe heavily, ignoring the pain as he moved his shoulders, sweat forming on his brow. 

_ A sword slammed into his own and he blocked it, his legs frozen in some kind of sludge.  _

_ “Where is my old flame, anyway?” the man bearing down on him asked, amusement in his eyes.  _

_ “Sensitive subject,” Eugene answered, shoving back against the swords.  _

He bared his teeth and slammed the sword into the wood, spinning, kicking hard at what would be chest height. Leather and metal and wood, it felt  _ good _ to be  _ moving _ , a knot unwinding with every blow he landed. 

_ He stood, a sword gripped tightly in one hand, the other held out to protect the person behind him. A semi-circle of people stood around him, advancing slowly even as he stepped back.  _

_ “Oh come on, you’re really still on this, Man-bun? Surely you must be bored by now!”  _

“Eugene.” 

He blinked, stepping back and shaking sweat out of his eyes, breathing heavily. His shoulder was twinging painfully and he wiped a hand across his brow, looking up to see a man standing a few steps away. 

It took him a second to place the man - Quirin, a leader of one of the small towns near the wall. Also, from memory, the missing engineer's father. Eugene nodded in greeting, catching his breath. 

The raccoon that followed the man around bounded towards him with a chirp that Eugene ignored. The animal had been trying to befriend him ever since he had returned but Eugene really didn’t want to have to deal with a raccoon, on top of the frog that hung around Rapunzel, and the horse that seemed to suddenly be friends with him now, after a lifetime rivalry. The raccoon gave a small, sad chirp as it realized he wasn’t paying it attention and bounded back towards Quirin. 

“Everything alright?” Quirin asked. 

Eugene shrugged, wincing slightly and moving his hand up to his shoulder. 

“Needed to work through some things,” he said, slightly dismissively. 

“You’re bleeding again,” Quirin pointed out. Eugene’s hand froze a few inches away from his shoulder and he scowled slightly as he noticed the slight bloody stain through his shirt. 

“Oops,” he muttered. “I thought I was fine.” 

“Fine maybe, but not to go as hard as you were,” Quirin said. He frowned, a flicker of concern crossing his face and Eugene sighed. 

“It helped me work through things,” he said, waving a hand in the air as he turned to pick up his vest from where he had taken it off before beginning. Good thing too - it took forever to get blood out of that thing. “Few memories starting to come back. Nothing clear.” He paused, picking the jacket up. “Nothing useful.” 

Quirin nodded, letting out a long sigh. The worry on his face was almost overwhelming, and for a moment, Eugene wondered what it was like to have a father who cared that much. To have  _ people _ who cared that much about him. Maybe he had, once, before he had lost his memory. 

“Don’t push yourself too hard,” Quirin said, his worry surprisingly genuine. Eugene blinked, taken aback by the comment and nodded, unsure how to react. 

“Ah, just a scratch,” he said dismissively. He shifted, suddenly uncomfortable by the attention Quirin was giving him. “Have they finished that meeting? If it goes on for any longer I swear it’ll take all day, maybe I should bring them some snacks.” 

“They would probably appreciate that,” Quirin muttered. “But no, they’re not finished yet - I need to get back to Old Corona. I’ve been away too long.” 

“Ah, yes, of course.” Eugene swung his sword idly, shifting his feet. From what he had gathered, Quirin had only been at the capital for so long to aid in the search for his son - and by extension, Eugene. 

Was he leaving because he had given up hope? Eugene had been at the castle for a few days now, and there had still been no sign of the missing engineer. How likely was it that he was even still alive? 

Eugene wished he could remember what had happened, if only to give those around him the answers they needed. To know if quiet, insistent voice saying the missing engineer was dangerous was right. 

“Eugene,” Quirin said quietly, stepping forward and laying a hand on his shoulder. Eugene blinked, looking up at him. “Be patient, the memories will come back - no one is expecting you to remember overnight.” 

Eugene shrugged, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. Everyone had accepted him - everyone had accepted that he had lost his memories and hadn’t condemned him for that. Even though he couldn't help them in the way they wanted they still accepted him. 

It was… strange, to experience that after a life of having to watch out for himself. 

“Psh, memories, I’m sure if it was important I’d not have forgotten,” he said dismissively, and Quirin’s face told him the man had seen right through his attempt at being casual. “I’ll man the fort here, don’t worry.” 

Quirin nodded, squeezing his shoulder gently and turned to leave, something deeply tired in his expression. He looked like a man who needed a very long sleep, and Eugene wondered vaguely if he had slept at all since his son had disappeared. 

The raccoon lingered a while longer, bounded up to Eugene and standing on its hind paws, blinking up at him. Eugene sighed, crouching slightly to ruffle the animal's fur. A flash of memory crossed through his mind again - soft, warm fur, a weight on his shoulders, large, shining blue eyes. 

He blinked, trying to hold onto the memories. The raccoon trilled softly, butting his hand and bounded closer. 

“What do you think, buddy?” Eugene asked. “Am I ever gonna remember who you are?” 

The raccoon didn’t answer, blinking at him for a long moment. Then it paused, looking in the direction Quirin had left and chirped softly. 

“Go,” Eugene said. “Keep an eye on him - that’s what you’ve been doing, isn’t it?” 

Again the raccoon chirped, flicking its tail and bounding away. It paused a few paces away to look back at him before vanishing after Quirin. Eugene sighed, running a hand through his hair and wishing he could do  _ more _ . 

~*~

The sun was beginning to sink, casting the small clearing in a strange light through the trees. Varian sat on a small, portable chair as the tents were assembled around him, blueprint on his lap, his broken leg stretched out onto a log in front of him. 

They had travelled for a lot of the day, the travel uncomfortable and painful for Varian. He had been allowed to sit in the back of a wagon, nestled in between spare blankets and tents, one of Andrew’s Saporians always within eyeshot. Even so, every uneven spot on the road jostled his leg, caused a coughing fit, send pain rushing through him. He had never been more glad to stop than when they finally called it a night and began unpacking. 

Now, he sat a little apart from the main camp, a blanket over his shoulder and the blueprints on his lap, directing a small group of Andrew’s soldiers as they constructed the canon. A small bench filled with various chemicals had been set up a few paces away and Varian itched to move to it, to begin experimenting and figuring out the best alchemical reaction to make this machine do what he wanted it to. But he held himself back, knowing that Andrew liked results. If he had a machine to present to the man, he was far more likely to be forgiving about any alchemical mishaps that would inevitably happen. 

“How’s it coming along, kid?” 

Andrew’s voice made Varian jump, starting at the sudden appearance of the man. He blinked, swallowing and clearing his throat. 

“We’re just about finished, I was about to inspect it,” he said, reaching for the crutch lying beside the chair. Andrew noticed the movement and snatched up the crutch before he could and held out an arm. For a moment, Varian hesitated, then decided refusing Andrew was a bad idea and accepted the support. 

“I’m impressed at how quickly you’ve managed to put it together,” Andrew commented as they moved towards the machine, Varian limping heavily. The boy nodded, coughing suddenly. He stumbled to a stop and Andrew paused as he curled into himself, coughing violently until the fit died down. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “It’s not operational, of course - there’s a lot more that needs to be done. Plus I need to figure out the right chemical reaction to make it do what you want it to do, that might take a while, these sorts of things are a little unstable.” He bit down on the speel he nearly broke off into, talking excitedly about the experiments he wanted to try. Andrew wouldn’t appreciate that, he knew. 

“When will it be ready.” Andrew stopped in front of the machine, the people working on it pausing and greeting him quietly. Varian shrugged, hopping slightly closer and leaning a hand on the cool metal, running his eyes along it to look for any flaws in the design. 

“Tomorrow, maybe?” he muttered absently. “Depends how quickly I can figure out the alchemy side of it.” 

“Tomorrow sounds wonderful,” Andrew said, slapping him playfully on the shoulder. Varian stumbled, hissing slightly as he leaned his weight on his broken leg momentarily. “Keep up the good work, kid. You’ll be a fully-fledged Saporian again in no time.” He chuckled, handing the crutch back to Varian and turning to walk away. 

Varian shifted his weight, leaning heavily on the crutch as he watched Andrew go. Taking a shaky breath, he pressed his forehead into the metal in an effort to cool it, to try and refocus his foggy mind. 

But he knew he couldn’t rest for long. Taking a deep breath, he pulled away, waiting until the slight dizziness wore off and began to slowly limp around the machine, inspecting it for anything that needed changing. 

Andrew hadn’t cared about the changes he had made. And as long as he figured out the alchemical side of things exactly, it would do what he wanted. 

Besides, making an explosion wasn’t so hard. Varian had proven that before. He was confident his plan would work. 

The cost of it working he would have to pay when the time came. 

~*~

There was a spot behind her wardrobe that wasn’t covered in paint. Rapunzel pushed the piece of furniture aside, Pascal watching her from the bed with some concern as she stepped back and wiped a hand across her face, staring at the blank space for a long moment before picking up a paintbrush. 

She refused to let herself think, just focused on the colours on her brush and the wall in front of her. Her hands began creating shapes, images, pictures of herself, of Eugene, of Varian, afraid and alone. 

She reached, standing on tiptoes to complete a swirl, kneeling to sketch an image of Eugene, sitting apart from the castle, looking lonely. She painted, painted, watched the colours splash onto the wall, onto her dress, losing herself in the colour and letting out as many of her emotions as she could. 

She painted, not thinking, not caring if it was good, or even helpful. She painted, the world turning into colour and paint and the brush in her hand. 

And then she stepped back, wiped hair out of her face and drew in a long breath as she stared at the face in the centre of the wall. 

The face from nightmares, mostly faded but reappearing with all that had happened. The face of Mother Gothel, eyes sharp, smile vicious, hands reaching for a strand of blonde hair that drifted past her face. 

Rapunzel stared at the image for a long time, staring at the face, at the various pictures that surrounded it, of Varian, curled in a small ball, Ruddiger’s sad face, Eugene angry and scared, her people, terrified and lost, buildings burning, the castle crumbling. 

“No,” she said, taking a deep breath and looking into the painted eyes of the woman who had held her captive for eighteen years. “I’m not a scared child anymore.” She stepped forward, dipping her brush into the paint and smeared the brightest pink she could across the image of Gothel’s face. “You don’t get to control me anymore - you haven’t for years. I’m not letting my fear drive me back to who I was.” 

She splashed more paint onto the image, onto all the images containing her fears. It didn’t remove them - it couldn’t, she still feared Eugene would never regain his memory, that Varian was past their help, that her kingdom would crumble. But she wasn’t going to let that fear define her, control her. 

Taking a deep breath she turned, placing her paintbrush and pallet down and scooping Pascal up from where he sat. He chirped, pressing into her face and she closed her eyes.

There was a knock at the door and she looked up, calling a soft acknowledgement. Nigel’s head appeared and he didn’t react to her paint-covered state. 

“Princess, news has arrived from Old Corona - you’ll want to be present.” 

Hope and dread fought for control as she thanked Nigel, hurrying to clean up at least somewhat. Hope that there was news about Varian - Quirin had returned home the day before, and if anyone could find news about Varian it would be him. Dread for that same news, what if it was bad? What if it confirmed her worst fear? Dread for Old Corona, how vulnerable the small town was. 

She still had paint in her hair as she moved quickly through the halls, bare feet silent on the carpeted floors. People were surrounding the small map in the centre of the briefing room, talking quietly. 

“Hey, honey,” her mother said in greeting as Rapunzel slipped through the advisors and nobles to join her parents. “The Saporians have been spotted.” She nodded to a young woman, shifting slightly uncomfortably as all the attention was focused on her. 

“That’s right, your Majesty,” she said, her head bowed as Rapunzel's father fixed his gaze on her. “I saw a camp - didn’t get a chance to look close, but there was a lot of people.” 

“She arrived a half-hour ago,” Arianna said quietly. “Quirin sent her straight here - she stumbled on the camp while foraging for berries this morning, apparently they’re set up quite near Old Corona.” She gestured to the map, where a large X had been sketched onto it in the woods a few miles from the town. 

“How many men?” the captain of the guard asked. The woman paused, frowning slightly. 

“I - I’m not sure, sir,” she said hesitantly. “Maybe thirty?” 

Fredrick and the captain exchanged a glance and Rapunzel could see the silent conversation passing between them. 

“They - they also had a contraption of some kind,” the woman added quietly, and something in Rapunzel’s heart leapt. 

“What kind?” she asked, leaning forward. 

“I - I’m not sure, m’lady,” she said quietly, ducking her head. “I didn’t get a good look but…” she hesitated, glancing around and Rapunzel gave an encouraging smile. “I did see Quirin’s boy.” 

The news was like a rush of fresh air and Rapunzel’s heart began a rapid tempo. She fought down the million questions that news brought, focusing on the one thought that Varian was  _ alive. _

“Was he alright?” she asked quietly. The woman frowned, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“Alive, if that’s what you mean, m’lady. He - I didn’t get a good look, but he… seemed to be in charge of the machine. Making it, that is.” 

That drew a large murmur of discussion from the assembled people. Rapunzel took a shaky breath, refusing to hear them and focusing on the woman. 

“He was alright though? Unhurt?” she asked. The woman shifted, twisting her dress in her hand. 

“I - again, I didn’t get a good look but he seemed like he had a hurt leg. I didn’t stay long. I’m sorry I can’t help more.” 

“Thank you,” Rapunzel said quietly. “You’ve helped more than you know.” The woman gave a small smile up at her and Rapunzel returned the expression. 

“We need to act now - we know where they are, if we attack them before they realize we will have the upper hand,” the captain was talking, and Fredric nodded slowly. 

“Thirty men isn’t much,” someone else added. “But with our soldiers spread thin, mustering a force to fully wipe them out may take some time.” 

“We can have twenty men ready to go within the hour,” the captain said. “With Quirin’s men and those at Old Corona already that should be enough.” 

“We must be cautious, we don’t know what the machine does,” Fredric said softly. A few murmurs answered him and Rapunzel stepped forward again. 

“If I know Varian, he has a plan,” she said. “He wouldn't create anything that might hurt the kingdom - and especially not his home.” 

The conversation ground to a slow stop, a few quiet murmurs answering her. She clenched her teeth, glaring at all the advisor and nobles, silently daring them to bring up what they were all likely thinking. 

“Okay, I hate to be this person, but someone has to mention it.” Eugene’s voice called out from the back of the crowd and Rapunzel looked up in surprise. She hadn’t seen him arrive, hadn’t even known he was here. He stepped forward, glancing at her slightly apologetically, and continued. “But I’ve been doing my research, trying to fill in the gaps and - this is the same Varian who  _ helped _ the Saporians take over Corona before, is it not?” 

Someone muttered an affirmative, and the quiet shifting of uncomfortable nobles became the only sound. Eugene pressed on, not meeting Rapunzel’s eyes. 

“How can we be sure he’s not helping them again?” 

It was what they were all thinking, Rapunzel knew. And she was almost glad Eugene had brought it up - someone needed to, so she could address the question on everyone’s mind. But she hated that it was  _ Eugene _ bringing up the past. Eugene, accusing Varian, doubting him. 

Before she had a chance to gather her thoughts and answer, Arianna stepped forward, laying a comforting hand on her elbow and facing the assembled crowd. 

“When Varian did what he did, he was a scared, lonely child,” she said, her voice allowing for no discussion. “He saw no other way out. And perhaps that was our fault - perhaps we were too harsh on him and should have helped him instead of casting him aside. He was taking the only option he thought available for him at the time. But he has changed, and I will vouch for his loyalty to Corona - to my family.” She glanced at Rapunzel and smiled.

“Thank you,” Rapunzel said quietly as the muttering began anew, and Arianna reached for her hand, squeezing it slightly. 

“Varian’s loyalty aside,” Fredric said, putting a stop to the discussions before they grew anymore. “We have an opportunity to strike, to put an end to this fear. Quirin is ready with what men he has at Old Corona, but we need to send back up.” He glanced at the captain, who nodded. 

“I have a small team ready,” he said quietly. “We can move out within the hour.” 

“I’m coming too,” Rapunzel said, eyes hard. 

“Rapunzel,” her father said, his voice quiet in a way she knew all too well. 

“Varian is my friend - I need to make sure he’s alright,” she said firmly. 

“You’re needed here,” her mother said quietly, and Rapunzel felt like screaming. She  _ couldn’t _ leave Varian - not again. She needed to help him. Sometimes she hated being a princess, hated having to constantly choose between her friends and her kingdom. 

“I can’t just abandon him,” she hissed, balling her fists and ignoring the awkward shifting as those around watched their argument. 

“Rapunzel, there is too much to be done. The refugees still need help - we can’t spare you.” Her father’s voice was apologetic and Rapunzel bit back a shout. 

“I’ll go.” Eugene had made his way around the table and was standing beside them. 

“Eugene -” she began, but he held up a hand. 

“I may not trust him, but I trust you, Rapunzel, and I’ll do what I can to help. Besides,” he added, his voice slightly darker. “I want to have words with whoever took my memory, and this seems like the best lead so far.” 

Rapunzel couldn't help but agree with that sentiment. She too wanted to have words with whoever had done this. Preferably with a fryingpan in hand. 

She hesitated a long moment, still feeling the pull to rush to Varian’s aid. But finally, she nodded, smiling quietly. 

“Alright, I’ll stay,” she said quietly. “Thank you.” 

He smiled softly and for a moment, she could pretend nothing had ever changed as the conversation turned back to planning. 

~*~

Varian’s eyes were burning as he stared at the paper in front of him, the words and equations swimming in front of him. He rubbed his eyes and blinked, trying to clear his vision to no avail. 

He had barely slept the night before, knowing that he had to perfect the chemical mix soon. By saying he would have it ready today, he had effectively given himself a deadline, something he had only noticed after Andrew had left. 

It didn’t matter really - if he could make this do what he wanted it to, he could take out half the camp, take out Andrew. It would explode, sending shrapnel and boiling water everywhere. If things went well, Corona would be able to easily overpower what was left of the camp. If things went wrong, Varian could claim a slight malfunction. 

He rolled his shoulders, feeling surprisingly light without Ruddiger’s familiar weight and reached for a vial. 

“How’s it coming, kid?” 

Varian looked up with a start, heart beating quickly, almost knocking over the vial. Maisie, one of Andrew’s Saporians, was leaning on the other side of the bench and Varian took a shaky breath, forcing himself to calm down. 

“I-it’s coming along well,” he said, running a finger along the supplies he had - that was another problem, there were so few supplies here. He felt like he was working handicapped - if he had his supplies from the lab at home he would have solved this ages ago. 

“Andrew’s asking when it’s going to be ready?” 

Varian blinked again, pulling his brain back to the conversation. 

“Uh…” he glanced down at his paper, reading through the equations. He was so close. “Maybe another hour? Two, at the most.” He could do it in half if he worked hard, but he knew Andrew wouldn’t give him all the time he asked for. 

“Hour, right - keep it up, kid. Oh, here’s the water you wanted.” Maisie dropped a bucket of water down beside Varian and he nodded absently. 

“Tha-” he cut himself off with a violent cough, pressing one hand onto the bench and curling into himself. Eyes watering, he looked up as he finished, head spinning slightly. 

“Good luck,” Maisie muttered, turning to walk back towards the rest of the camp. Varian took a deep breath, wiping the back of his hand across his eyes and turning back to his work. 

Andrew gave him almost an hour, which was more than Varian had expected. Two hands appeared on his shoulders and he started, flinching as Andrew’s face appeared over his shoulder. 

“Ready for a demonstration, buddy?” he asked, his voice excited and cheerful. Varian bit his lip. 

“Uh, yeah, yeah I think so,” he muttered, taking a shaky breath. He was simply making an explosion - he was good at making explosions. The worst that could happen was he had actually made the machine do what Andrew wanted him to - and given his past history, making something do what it was supposed to was unlikely. 

“Great!” Andrew said, squeezing his shoulders and stepping back. Varian looked up at him from where he was seated in front of his workbench. “How far can you move on that leg of yours?” 

“Move?” Varian asked. “Why do we need to move?” 

“We can’t test it  _ here _ ,” Andrew said. Varian turned to glance at the machine, watching as a team of horses was hitched to it and his stomach twisted uneasily. “If something goes wrong that could be disastrous, not that I’m expecting anything to go wrong.” He fixed a long gaze on Varian and Varian forced himself to meet his eyes, trying not to show the rapid beating of his heart. “Besides we need more water,” Andrew said, and Varian gratefully dropped his eyes.  “There’s a village around here, beside a river, that will do wonderfully for the demonstration.” He smiled, and the unease grew.

Varian wasn’t stupid - he knew exactly where they were. He’d seen this part of Corona many times - many times when he was trying to get away from his father, from the citizens, when he just needed time for himself. He had practically grown up in these trees - he knew they were close to home. 

It shouldn’t surprise him, really. He should have seen this coming and he cursed himself for not putting the pieces together sooner. Of course Andrew would attack his home with the very weapon he had helped to create. 

“Old Corona,” he muttered, needing confirmation. Andrew grinned, slapping him on the shoulder. 

“Got it in one, I knew you were smart! You always told me you hated those guys, best revenge, eh?” He nudged Varian lightly, and Varian scowled. Then his voice darkened and he crouched in front of Varian. “And Varian, we might see people you know today. Don’t try anything funny - remember our agreement.”

_ Andrew’s arm was draped over his shoulder as they left the cave, Varian focusing on keeping his breathing steady, on not breaking free and running back to Eugene.  _

_ “Now that you’re back with us, we gotta set some ground rules, buddy!” Andrew said. “Your friend back there will be fine, so long as you follow them, got it? And you’re not going anywhere - we’ve given you a second chance, but you won’t get a third. Even if you happen to break free and run, or if some of your old friends come to set you free, or whatever favour they think they’re doing for you - someone is going to pay.” He stopped, turning Varian by the shoulders and cupping his chin, forcing him to make eye contact. “And it may not be you.” He turned Varian’s chin towards the cave meaningfully. _

Varian clenched his teeth and nodded, balling his fists and wishing his head would stop aching so. 

“Alright!” Andrew stood, laying a hand briefly on his shoulder as he walked past towards the machine. “You ready, kid? We’re going to raze Old Corona to the ground!” 

~*~

“Rapunzel, wait.” Eugene slipped passed a few advisors to catch the princess before she was snatched up by her many duties. She paused, waiting for him to catch up just outside the door, a small smile flickering on the corner of her mouth. “I’ll try my best to bring back the - Varian,” he said quietly. 

She sighed, turning away from him and lowering her gaze. 

“He’s not dangerous, Eugene,” she said quietly. 

“I know you believe that,” he answered, gently taking her hand. “And maybe you’re right. But my instinct says to be wary, and I haven’t survived this long without listening to my instincts.” 

She nodded, looking up at him, concern and fear in her eyes. He wanted nothing more than to take that fear and worry away from her, to watch her smile and laugh like she  _ should _ , to protect her from the pain and fear of the world. 

“I understand,” she said quietly. “But Varian is my friend - he’s  _ your _ friend. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.” 

“I’m not going to hurt him,” Eugene said, holding her hand close and tucking hair out of her face. “I’ll bring him back - we can figure it out from there.” 

Rapunzel nodded slowly, leaning into his hand on her cheek. 

“Just… be careful,” she said quietly.

“Hey,” he cupped her face in both hands, lifting her chin so she looked up at him. “I’ll be okay.” 

She smiled and then, before he even had a chance to think, she reached up and pressed her lips to his. 

For a moment, he froze. Flashes of memory washed through him, lanterns in the sky, golden light igniting a room, a boat on the water, Rapunzel in a white dress, eyes shining. 

Then she pulled back, holding his face and he couldn’t help but smile. 

“Come home this time,” she said quietly. 

“I promise,” he answered. 

Something flickered across her face for a second before she smiled, patting his chest and turning to vanish into the duties she had to attend. Eugene watched her for a moment, the touch of her kiss still lingering, before taking a deep breath and turning to prepare. 

~*~

Varian leaned heavily against a tree as the machine was settled into place. The trek from the camp had left his good leg aching and his broken leg throbbing and he wanted nothing more than to sit down and sleep. But he couldn’t - not while his home was in danger. 

Old Corona was only a few yards away. They were settled up in the shadows of the forest, near the river that wandered down from behind the wall. It was strange, to see his home after all that had happened, to see the familiar wall rising up behind it, all the buildings where they were supposed to be. 

It wasn’t exactly the same, however. He knew the routine of the town well enough to know that something was wrong. There was a much greater military presence, Corona guards patrolling the streets. They wouldn’t stay unnoticed for long. 

_ “Are you there, Dad?”  _ Varian thought, feeling strangely distant. Home was  _ so close _ \- it would take only a few seconds to cross the distance, to knock on the door and lose himself in his father’s embrace. 

But he couldn’t - not with Andrew watching his every move, not with the threat of his loved ones being hurt. Part of him knew it was illogical - Andrew didn’t have Eugene captive anymore, holding his friend’s safety over Varian shouldn’t work. But he knew he wasn’t going to risk it. Andrew had captured them before, he wasn’t going to underestimate the man. 

“Varian.” The man in question softly called his name and he started, pushing himself off the tree and leaning heavily on his crutch. “Make sure the machine is ready,” he hissed quietly. 

“It’ll take a while to warm up,” Varian muttered, limping towards the machine. He moved to the controls, fingers hovering over them for a moment. Andrew wasn’t going to let him leave after he had started this - he was going to have to see it through to the end, no matter what happened. 

“Start warming it up then, they’re going to notice us any second now,” Andrew hissed and Varian nodded, taking a deep breath and twisting the activation knob. The pump hissed as water was sucked out of the river, the machine slowly warming. 

“ _ Sorry, Dad. There was no other way _ ,” Varian thought quietly, watching as the pressure built up. In a moment, he would press the button and the machine would explode. There was no way he could get out of the blast range fast enough, but at least his home would be safe. 

A shout came from the village and Varian looked up to see a party riding towards them, acting with a speed he hadn’t expecting. Another glance at the pressure gauge and he knew it wasn’t going to be ready by the time they had entered the blast zone. 

And then he looked closer and saw his father leading them, beside him Eugene, face hard. For a moment his heart leapt - Eugene was  _ alive _ . Alive and  _ unhurt _ . Andrew had kept up his side of the bargain. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, wishing he could come up with a better plan. 

“Set it off when it’s ready and I might let them live,” Andrew said, drawing his sword. Varian glanced back at the pressure gauge, heart beating quickly, sudden tears pricking his eyes. He had no idea what to do. 

A blur of grey fur slammed into him, pressing into his cheek and trilling. Varian gasped, blinking rapidly as he reached up to bury his hands in Ruddiger’s fur. 

“He-hey, buddy,” he whispered, pressing his face to Ruddiger’s back. The raccoon chirped softly, curling up close to him and for a moment, Varian allowed a few tears to fall. “I missed you,” he muttered. Ruddiger butted his cheek and he swallowed, fighting down more tears. He had work to do, he couldn’t fall apart now. 

The sound of swords clashing drew his attention and he limped around the machine, taking in the battle. Ruddiger curled comfortingly around his neck and he kept one hand on the raccoon’s fur, the other gripping his crutch. 

For the moment, no one seemed to have the upper hand. Quirin was wearing his Brotherhood armour, teeth bared as he blocked a blow from Kai. Varian watched for a moment to make sure his father wasn’t in any immediate danger before scanning the battle again. Eugene was closer, eyes narrowed as he exchanged blows with Andrew. 

Varian had to do something. 

He limped back to the controls, mentally calculating the blast radius, how many people would be caught in it. His shaking hands hovered over the controls and he hesitated, fighting down tears again. 

“Ruddiger, you have to leave,” he said quietly, plucking the animal from his shoulders. Ruddiger chirped, squirming out of his grip, trying to return to his shoulder. “Please, you need to  _ go _ . This is going to get dangerous, okay buddy?” 

Ruddiger hissed slightly, curling tightly around his shoulders and digging his claws in - not enough to hurt, but enough to let Varian know he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” he tried desperately. Ruddiger butted his cheek comfortingly and Varian took a shaky breath. 

“Time’s running out, kid!” Andrew’s voice carried over the battle and Varian knew he only had one choice. He had no idea what would happen if he released the pressure, but he knew that if he did nothing, Andrew would kill Eugene. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered silently, not knowing who he was apologising to, and pressed the button. 

~*~ 

The world exploded in a burst of fire and heat. One moment Eugene was crossing blades with a man who seemed vaguely familiar, slowly losing ground in a fight he realized he was losing. The next his head was spinning, the world shifting around him, heat washing over him. 

He couldn’t breathe, ears ringing, unable to focus. Someone was shouting but he couldn’t make out the worlds. The sharp scent of smoke and blood filled the air. 

Then hands grabbed his shoulders and he was dragged backwards, still trying to make sense of what was happening. He was sat up, a face swimming in front of his own and he groaned, lifting a hand to wave it away. 

“-gene. Eugene!” 

He blinked, his eyes slowly focusing on the worried face of Quirin. Slowly, his senses began to come back and he groaned again, his whole body aching. 

“What happened?” he muttered, his voice strangely muted. He lifted his eyes past Quirin to see the remnants of the battlefield. Figures lay on the ground, groaning and slowly picking themselves up. Those who hadn’t been in the blast - mostly Coronan - were helping the wounded, ending a few fights with the Saporians where needed. 

“The machine exploded,” Quirin explained. Eugene winched, closing his eyes for a moment. 

The engineer had set it off. He remembered that - remembered seeing the young man everyone was looking for peering out from behind the machine, remembered the Saporian he was fighting calling out to him, telling him to set it off. 

Varian had caused this. Varian had caused this explosion, this was  _ his _ fault. Varian had tried to kill him - tried to kill them all. He had sacrificed some of his own men as well - an act that caused an uneasy twisting in his chest. How had Rapunzel ever trusted him? 

Even so, the reveal made him feel strangely hollow - he hadn’t  _ wanted _ to be right about the engineer. He had wanted to be able to trust him, to be able to trust that Rapunzel’s forgiveness was deserved.

Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case. 

“Sirs!” 

He opened his eyes again as Pete jogged smartly up to them, snapping a quick salute. 

“We’ve brought the Saporians into custody,” he said quickly. “But a number of them got away. Including Andrew.” He shifted uncomfortably, and Quirin nodded. 

“And… Varian?” he asked, the concern in his voice a knife to Eugene’s chest.

“I’m sorry. There’s no sign of him,” Pete answered. 

“I’ll find him,” Eugene said, pushing himself up and trying not to sway. 

“Eugene, you’re in no condition to -” 

“I’m fine,” he said quickly. “I’ll find him, don’t worry.” 

“Alright,” Quirin said heavily. “Just… be careful.” 

Eugene hesitated a moment longer. Thoughts swirled through his mind, mixed with memories he didn’t know where to place. A teenager, chatting excitedly about something. A machine, towering ominously over Rapunzel, the venomous voice of a young man echoing out of it. A boy, eyes wide and terrified, trapped in a cage of black rocks, the ground far, far beneath them. The explosion, the motionless forms of wounded Coronans and Saporians alike. 

“Quirin - do you think I can trust him?” he asked finally, half expecting he would know the answer. Everyone was so ready to trust the engineer - maybe that was why Eugene was so hesitant to. 

Not to mention the aftermath of the explosion. He  _ couldn’t _ trust anyone who had done that, couldn’t just let that go. 

Quirin didn’t answer for a long moment, and that was enough for Eugene to shift in surprise. He had expected Varian’s father to instantly leap to his defence, but Quirin’s answer was a long time in coming. 

“I lost a year,” he said finally, speaking slowly. “When I came out of the amber Varian was… different. Darker… more closed off. Sometimes I couldn’t recognise him.” He sighed, settling onto the rock Eugene had just stood up from. “At first I couldn’t believe it when I heard what he’d done. Then I saw… flashes, moments where I wasn’t sure who the person my son had grown into was.” He raised his hands and lowered them, looking down at the grass underfoot. 

“I… honestly don’t know,” he said finally. “I don’t know if you can trust him - I don’t know if he’s fallen back into his old ways or not. But he’s my  _ son _ , and I…” He hesitated, shaking his head slightly. “I’ve let him down a lot. He needs help - if he’s being… being forced to do this or… not, and if I could come with you I  would .” 

Eugene nodded and let the thoughts sit for a moment as he processed them. But it was enough - enough to confirm in his mind that he was right. If Varian’s own father couldn’t trust him, then who could? 

He had promised Rapunzel he wouldn't hurt Varian, but he wasn’t going to let Varian hurt anyone else. And he refused to let him reunite with the Saporians, not after the mess his machine had made. Any more of those could cripple the kingdom. 

“I’ll bring him back,” he said quietly and turned to dive into the forest. Varian was dangerous, and Eugene wasn’t going to be blinded by the trust he had unfairly earned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slams hands down* THEY'RE DOING THEIR BEST OKAY


	5. i know that we are not the weight of all our memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varian has a talk. Eugene has regrets. Rapunzel has had enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter got long so I'm splitting it in two. Hopefully, I'll get the last one up soon though! Anyway, enjoy I wrote this entire thing in like one evening it was a WILD evening.

_ “We’re not going to get anything more useful out of them.” Andrew stood, slipping the knife he had just cleaned on Varian’s apron into his belt as he made his way over to the other Saporians. He sounded disappointed, and Varian lifted his head slightly to make out the conversation, heart beating quickly. Eugene was slumped against his back, breathing heavily after the knife to his shoulder, his hand still firmly in Varian’s.  _

_ “Kill them both and be done with it.”  _

_ Eugene stiffened at the words, lifting his head with a hiss of pain and coming alert again. Varian shut his eyes tightly, taking a shaky breath.  _

_ “I’ve got you, Hairstripe,” Eugene murmured, squeezing his hand, but Varian knew there was nothing he could do. Maisie advanced upon them, eyes narrowed and Varian gritted his teeth.  _

_ “Don’t,” he called softly. “Wait.”  _

_ It was a shot in the dark, a last desperate effort, but he knew that if he didn’t do anything - didn’t say anything - Eugene would die. He wasn’t going to let that happen.  _

_ “Let Eugene go,  _ please _. I - I’ll go with you.” His voice wavered slightly and Eugene stiffened behind him.  _

_ “Varian, don’t,” he hissed, voice sharp. But Varian didn’t listen, knew this was his only option.  _

_ “Why would we want you to come with us?” Andrew asked, stepping closer and waving a hand to stall Maisie. He was interested, Varian could tell.  _

_ “Because I’m more use to you alive. But if you kill Eugene I won’t do  _ anything  _ to help you.”  _

_ “Because you’ll be dead as well,” Clementine muttered but Varian didn’t stop staring up at Andrew.  _

_ “Leave the kid out of this, Andrew,” Eugene said, voice heavy, his usual bravado long faded. “Let us both go and the kingdom might be merciful.”  _

_ “Y’know, I think I like the kid’s idea more,” Andrew said. He stepped forward, the knife in his hand and Varian felt his heart skip a beat. But his simply crouched, slicing the bonds tying him to Eugene and hauling him to his feet. He stumbled, regaining his balance and stagged into Maisie’s arms.  _

_ The man marched him forward, his hands pinned behind his back and he caught a glimpse of Eugene’s face - terrified and hurt - before he was marched out of the cave.  _

_ “ _ I’m sorry, Eugene _ ,” he thought, trying not to cry _ . “I can’t let them kill you.” 

Something was pressed into his chest and making it hard to breathe. Varian’s eyes fluttered, his head screaming in protest as he slowly regained consciousness. 

Everything  _ hurt _ . 

The something on his chest moved, and a familiar cool touch pressed into his face. Again, he tried to blink his eyes open, groaning slightly. Ruddiger’s worried face hovered over him and he groaned again. 

“Hey bu-” he began but was cut off by a coughing fit. He gasped, hacking violently until he lay back again, eyes closed, breathing. 

“Well you’re alive - somehow wasn’t expecting  _ that _ .” 

The voice was familiar, and Varian opened his eyes again. Ruddiger leapt off his stomach as he slowly pushed himself up on shaky arms, taking in his surroundings. 

He was in the woods, nestled under a large tree. His head was pounding and his face and arms stinging, a glance told him he was covered in numerous cuts and burns.  _ He _ was surprised to be alive as well if he was being honest. Something must have gone wrong with the explosion to make it less powerful than he had expected and he wasn’t sure if he was glad or not. 

Seated a few paces away, a sword in her lap, was Juniper. She was watching him, a guarded expression on her face. A large, recent cut was across her cheek and Varian looked away quickly at the sight of blood. 

“Thank you,” he muttered, having a vague memory of a hand on his collar a moment before the explosion. She didn’t answer, and Varian turned to pick up Ruddiger, burying his face in the raccoon’s fur. 

Ruddiger snuffled contentedly, curling up close to him and for a moment Varian let himself believe everything was alright. That he wasn’t lost in the middle of the woods with one of his captors, that Andrew wasn’t still out there somewhere. 

“Why’d you do that?” Juniper asked, spinning her sword and digging its point into the ground. Varian started, lifting his head from Ruddiger’s fur. 

“What?” he asked. 

“I know you enough to know you meant to make that thing explode. So why? Was it just to spite Andrew? Your friends could have got hurt.” 

“Did they?” Varian asked, his voice small, the fear making him feel sick. What if he had hurt his own people? What if Eugene, what if his father, had been hurt because of something he had done? 

Juniper shrugged. 

“I didn’t get a good look, I wanted to get as far away as possible. But I don’t think so.” 

Her words sent a rush of relief over Varian and he hid in Ruddiger’s fur again for a long moment. 

“So, why?” Juniper asked and he looked up again. 

“I… I couldn’t let Andrew hurt them,” he whispered, feeling like it was a flimsy excuse, knowing he shouldn’t be telling this to one of Andrew’s Saporians. But she didn’t say anything, just snorted slightly and he closed his eyes again. 

He wanted to stay here, to stay with Ruddiger pressed warm into him, not having to worry about the minefield that was appeasing Andrew. 

But he knew that was impossible. 

“We have to go back,” he muttered quietly. 

“Back to Andrew?” Juniper asked, the surprise clear in her voice. “Kid, I’d have thought that’d be the  _ last _ place you’d want to go.” 

“I - I have to,” he said, looking down, twisting Ruddiger’s fur in his fingers. 

“You’re still trying to protect them, aren’t you?” Juniper asked and Varian looked up almost guilty. “Sheesh, kid. Just run. Get out of here, leave Andrew, leave Corona - start a new life somewhere. What have they ever done for you?” 

Varian bit back a harsh laugh at the question. What  _ hadn’t _ they done for him? 

“They gave me a  _ home _ ,” he said quietly, and it felt weak. He could never make up for the second chance he had been given, for the love and the family and the support he had been shown. “They’re my  _ family _ .” 

And that was part of his problem - he knew that they had seen him, or that they would have at least put together who had made the machine. His father at least would search for him, Eugene as well. He had to keep moving soon or they would find them, and then who knows what would happen. 

He longed to go back, to go  _ home _ , to curl up in his father’s arms and pretend to be a child again. But Andrew’s threat hung over his head and he knew he couldn’t go back - not until he was sure Andrew couldn’t make good on the threat. 

For the moment, he had no energy to stand. He would have to move soon, to try and find his way back to Andrew, but for now, he wasn’t able to do much more than sit and talk. 

“Why did you pull me out?” he asked quietly. Juniper looked up in slight surprise, shifting to a more comfortable spot and shrugging. 

“Because Andrew would have let you die.” It was a statement, a simple fact and Varian flinched slightly. “Traitor or not, I didn’t want that to happen. Weak, I know.” She sighed, unable to meet his eyes. 

“Why is it weak?” Varian asked, tilting his head in slight confusion. His friends would never let anyone die - friend or enemy - and they were some of the strongest people he knew. 

“‘Only the strong survive in Saporia’,” Juniper said, speaking as though she was quoting something she had heard many times before. “‘Traitors to Saporia pay with their lives.’ I dunno, probably something else. Anyone else would have let you die, but I was too…” she trailed off, staring down at the ground. 

“Doesn’t sound so great,” Varian muttered. “Thank you.” 

She blinked, looking up and smiled quietly. 

“Are you going to go back?” he asked and she shrugged. 

“I got nowhere else to go.” 

“Do you  _ want _ to go back?” 

She was quiet for a long moment, and then shrugged again. 

“Like I said, I got nowhere else to go. So I guess so.” 

“You don’t have to,” Varian said quietly. Then suddenly, impulsively, he looked up at her. “Rapunzel will help you.” 

That got a short bark of laughter from Juniper. 

“Rapunzel? The princess Rapunzel? Why on earth would she help  _ me _ ?” 

“She would,” Varian said quietly. 

“Kid, I appreciate the laugh, but what makes you think the  _ princess _ of  _ Corona _ would forgive  _ me _ ?” 

“Because she forgave me,” Varian said. He looked down, his hand buried deep in Ruddiger’s fur. He  _ missed _ her so much. Wanted nothing more to hide in her embrace, to go  _ home _ , but he couldn’t. 

“You were her  _ friend _ though,” Juniper said. “I’m… I’m an enemy.” 

This time Varian let out a short laugh, looking up at Juniper. 

“Sure, I was her friend. But then I tricked her into committing treason, attacked her kingdom, kidnapped her mother, nearly  _ killed _ her mother and best friend, helped to erase the memory of her parents and helped to take over her kingdom. And yet she still forgave me.” He marked each point off on his fingers, looking up at Juniper as he finished. 

She looked away, staring up into the trees. Silence filled the space between them, and Varian again reminded himself he needed to move, to find Andrew. He just wanted to go  _ home _ , but he wasn’t going to put his family at any more risk. 

“She gave you a second chance,” Juniper said finally, and Varian looked up at her. 

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “A  _ real _ second chance, not whatever Andrew thought he was giving me.” 

Juniper nodded slowly, then sighed and shook her head. 

“Must be nice, to be able to trust someone like that,” she said quietly. “I thought… I thought you were lucky. Andrew gave you a second chance, not many people get that from him. But…” She trailed off, turning to look at Varian and he wondered vaguely how much of a mess he looked. Probably a large mess, after the last few weeks. “I don’t know,” Juniper finally ended. 

“You don’t have to go back,” he said. “Go, find a new life somewhere. Don’t live in his shadow.” 

Ruddiger’s ears pricked and a second later Varian made out a soft rustle in the bushes. 

“Go,” he said, looking up at Juniper. “I’ll be fine.” He tried not to show how much his stomach was churning at the noise, tried not to show his rapidly beating heart. He had no idea who was moving through the bushes and he didn’t know who he wanted - if it was a Coronan, they would try to convince him to come home, but at least he would be safe. If it was a Saporian, he could enlist their help in getting back to Andrew. 

Juniper hesitated, glancing in the direction of the noise. Finally, she nodded, holding out Varian’s crutch to him. 

“Good luck, kid,” she said quietly before turning and vanishing into the trees. Varian watched her go, feeling strangely like he had just lost his only ally. Then, taking a deep breath, he struggled to his feet, the world spinning as he fought down nausea. Ruddiger trilled softly, curling tightly around his neck as he straightened, eyes hard. 

Whoever it was, he was ready for them. 

~*~ 

Eugene was pretty sure he was lost. Diving into the forest with no backup, looking for a missing - and possibly dangerous - engineer may have seemed like the best option at the time, but now he was beginning to regret it. 

If he had waited a while longer, he probably could have gone with backup - maybe the horse, Maximus. Or sent word to Corona and waited for Lance. Either way, he was on his own, and now that he was here he was reluctant to turn back without at least a hint as to where the missing engineer was. 

He had been walking for going on half an hour when a noise caught his attention. He crouched, a hand moving to the hilt of his sword as he slowly made his way towards the sound. A soft animal call that sounded vaguely familiar, then a very human grunt of pain. 

“Hello?” 

A small voice called, rasping and dry, but clearly young. Eugene frowned, stepping a little closer and finally made out the figure. 

He was standing, a back to a tree, leaning heavily on a crutch, one leg in a splint. His face was covered in cuts and small burns, various other cuts and burns scattered across his arms and chest. Curled around his shoulders was a raccoon, hackles raised protectively. 

It was the missing engineer - Eugene recognised the coloured streak in his hair from Rapunzel's pictures. If it weren’t for that, Eugene wasn’t sure he would have recognised the boy - he looked  _ exhausted _ , huge bags under his eyes, his hair wild and unkempt, his clothes torn. 

And he looked  _ young _ . 

Eugene had figured he was young - he had heard those at the castle talk about him as a boy, a child, a kid. He had met the boy’s father, and Quirin wasn’t that old. But he hadn’t expected a  _ child _ , barely to adulthood. 

Something twisted in his chest as he slowly stepped out. Was this really the same boy who had attacked the kingdom? Who had helped to take over the kingdom? Who had nearly killed him only a few moments before? He looked like a broken and beaten child, not an enemy of the kingdom. 

The raccoon’s hackles lowered as Eugene came into view, and something crumbled in the boy’s face. His shoulders slumped, the guarded expression melting away until he looked like he was about to cry and Eugene had  _ no idea _ how to deal with that. 

“Eugene!” he cried, limping forward, his voice cracking and full of emotion. Eugene held up his hands and stepped back as he suddenly realized the boy was going in for a hug. 

“Woah, hold up,” he said and Varian stopped, breathing quickly, a flicker of confusion and hurt crossing his face. 

“Eugene?” he asked, his voice small. “I - are you alright? I mean… they didn’t hurt you, right? I - I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… The.. the explosion - you’re okay, right? You didn’t get hurt?” He was talking quickly, the words seeming to pour out without meaning and Eugene took another step back, holding up a hand. 

“Alright, alright, quiet for a moment,” he snapped. Maybe a little harsher than he would have usually, but his head was pounding and he had countless aching cuts and burns. He had been expecting a possible enemy, not a scared child. 

The boy fell silent, eyes shimmering with tears, confusion clear on his face. Eugene could almost see the way his brain was working, trying to figure out what was happening and he sighed. He at least deserved an explanation. 

“Look, kid - not sure how much you know about what happened to me, but you probably know more than I do. Somehow I lost my memories.” Varian’s eyes widened in shock but he didn’t say anything. “So here’s what’s going to happen - we’re going to go back to the castle, you’re not going to try  _ anything _ , and once we’re back you are going to tell Rapunzel everything that happened to you and to me, alright?” 

Varian nodded, his face pale and terrified and part of Eugene hated himself for scaring a kid like that. But even children could be dangerous, and Eugene wasn’t going to underestimate the boy. 

“I - I didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” Varian said quietly. Then, as though he couldn’t keep the question in, “But - you’re… you’re okay though?” His voice wavered slightly, and again Eugene had the impression he was on the verge of tears. 

“I’m  _ fine _ ,” he snapped. Varian flinched slightly at his tone and Eugene fought down the curl of guilt that brought. “Come on.” He turned to leave, not waiting to see if the boy followed him. 

“Wait - Eugene!” Varian called after him and he glanced behind to see the boy limping painfully, leaning heavily on the crutch. “I - I can’t… I can’t go back, I-” He swallowed, blinking rapidly and taking a deep breath. “I can’t go home.” 

“You don’t have a say in the matter,” Eugene said shortly. If the kid started actually crying he was going to lose it - he more he saw of the boy the more he realized just why Rapunzel had trusted him so easily. 

But the burns on his arms and the image in the journal burned into his mind. He wasn’t going to fall for the kid’s tricks. 

“ _ Please _ . I…” his voice was shaky and suddenly cut off with a fit of coughing. Eugene turned to watch him, eyes narrowed as he saw the kid curl into himself, wheezing and hacking, shoulders shaking. He shivered as he finished, looking up with wide eyes. “I have to find Andrew. He… he said he’d hurt you if I tried to run.” 

“I’d like to see him try,” Eugene said shortly. He stepped back, grabbing the boy’s - surprisingly warm - arm and half dragging him forward. The yelp of pain Varian gave twisted deep into his heart and he instantly regretted it, but at least Varian was moving again. 

The boy didn’t try to talk again after that, and before long they were moving as quickly as possible with his broken leg. He was shaking, coughing regularly, clearly losing a battle with tears. The raccoon on his shoulder butted his cheek comfortingly every so often and occasionally he lifted a hand to pet it. 

The more they walked the worse Eugene felt. The boy beside him really was just that - a boy - and forcing him to walk on a broken leg in the state he was in gave Eugene a guilty stab every time he gave a hiss of pain or a hacking cough. 

Finally, he stopped. Varian stumbled a few paces and looked up at him, blinking a few times and taking a shaky breath. 

“You can’t keep walking like that,” he said, his voice a little softer than last time he had spoken. Varian blinked, looking down, swaying slightly as he stood. “We’ll take a rest, alright?” Varian nodded, almost immediately sinking to the ground and wrapping the raccoon in his arms. 

Eugene crouched on a nearby root, trying to come up with the best course of action. He had no idea how far Old Corona was and no idea how far the boy was going to be able to walk. Not to mention he was pretty sure there were still a number of Saporians scattered through the bushes. 

“How much time did you lose?” 

Varian’s voice was quiet, small, hesitant and Eugene started at the sound of it. The boy was looking up, and for a moment, Eugene could almost see him prancing excitedly around a lab, talking rapidly about his latest experiment. 

“Four years,” he said quietly. 

“Oh,” Varian said quietly. “So… Flynn Rider?” 

Eugene smiled slightly and shrugged. 

“Something like that.” He paused, looking back at the boy. “You were with me, right? Do you know how I lost my memory.” 

Varian shrugged, adjusting his weight and winching slightly as he moved his splinted leg. 

“Not sure exactly… Andrew wanted us for information, troop numbers, how protected the villages are, secret tunnels under Corona, stuff like that. I’m not sure how you lost your memory - I’m guessing the wand of Oblivium - that’s what the Saporians used to erase the memories of Rapunzel’s parents.” 

Eugene nodded, watching the boy carefully. 

“You know a thing or two about that, don’t you?” 

He flinched, dropping his eyes. For a moment, he stared at the raccoon’s fur, blinking rapidly. 

“I never meant to hurt anyone,” he said finally. “I - I’m sorry.” His voice shook, breaking slightly and Eugene felt his heart clench. Once again, the guilt at treating the boy so harshly returned, but again, the unease and distrust returned a moment later. 

“The machine, back at Old Corona - you nearly killed me. Nearly killed your father.” His voice was hard, and he saw the boy flinch again, burying his face in the raccoon’s fur. “I’m not sure if I can trust you, after that.” 

Varian didn’t answer for a long time, and when he finally looked up his eyes were wet. 

“Just… just let me go,” he said quietly, as though it was hard to get the words out. “I -” He blinked rapidly, coughing suddenly. When the cough had died down he shivered, pulling the raccoon close as it pressed into his face. “I won’t hurt anyone anymore.” 

For a moment, Eugene wondered if that was the best idea. Let the boy go, tell Rapunzel he hadn’t been about to find him. At least that way a potential threat to the kingdom would be far away, unable to misuse the trust of the princess. 

But one look at the boy and Eugene knew he couldn’t do that. Varian wouldn't survive long on his own, not on his leg, not with what looked like a growing sickness. He may not trust the boy, but he wasn’t about to leave him out here alone. 

“I’m not going to do that, Varian,” he said quietly. “I’ll take you back to the castle and fix you up, alright? If you still want to leave after that we can reconsider things.” He wasn’t sure Rapunzel would let the boy go once he was safe home again, but that was a matter for a later date. 

“I -” He wanted to, Eugene could tell. But something was stopping him, something holding him back. Loyalty to the Saporians perhaps? Or something else? 

“Well, if it isn’t a happy reunion!” 

Varian started, pure  _ panic _ washing through his expression. He scrambled backwards, the pain in his leg seeming to be forgotten as Eugene spun, drawing his sword as he did. 

The leader of the Saporians stepped out of the trees, a smug grin on his face. Eugene narrowed his eyes towards him, stepping into a fighting stance. He seemed relatively undamaged by the explosion, only a few cuts and a burn on his arm. 

“Fitzherbert, good to see you again,” he said, smiling. 

“Andrew, is it?” Eugene asked. “Y’know, I wish I could say the same, but I can’t  _ quite _ place where I know you.” 

Andrew smirked, stepping forward, his eyes drifting past Eugene to land on Varian. He tutted slightly and Eugene glanced back to see the boy struggling to his feet, clearly terrified. 

“Hey, Varian - we had an  _ agreement _ , buddy!” 

“I - I know. I was  _ trying _ to find you, but I can’t  _ walk very well _ ,” Varian shot back, face white, voice wavering slightly. Eugene scowled, stepping forward, standing between the boy and Andrew. 

He wasn’t going to let this man get anywhere  _ near _ the boy. Mistrust aside, it was clear Andrew had been abusing him and Eugene wasn’t going to stand for that. 

“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size,” he said, eyes narrowed. 

“Your memory clearly didn’t change that much, Fitzherbert. Or should I say Rider?” 

“It’s Eugene,” Eugene said and lunged forward. 

Andrew drew his sword and the sound of metal on metal rang through the clearing. Eugene bared his teeth, pressing forward, dancing backwards. His head was spinning and he realized very quickly he needed to end this fight as soon as he could. So he pushed forward, eyes narrowed, not even taking the time for a casual quip. 

“Eugene!” Varian shouted from behind him and Eugene didn’t even think - he ducked instinctively, knowing exactly what the boy meant. A rock flew over his head, slamming into Andrew’s knee. The man shouted, staggered back, slowly circling, limping slightly. 

“Maybe I should just take all your memories,” he growled, withdrawing a slim wand. Eugene tensed but before the wand could be used, a grey blur shot forward, grabbing it out of Andrew’s hand. 

The raccoon bounded back to Varian, the wand clasped tightly in its mouth. Without pausing, Varian took it from him and slammed it into the ground. 

“Don’t!” Andrew cried, but Varian paid no attention, smashing it into the ground again.

With a burst of light, the wand shattered. For a moment, Eugene stumbled back, blinded by the sudden light. Memories flashed through his mind, blurred and in a confusing swirl. Varian, grinning up at him. Rapunzel, hair long, blonde, glowing, gripping two growing rocks. Cassandra, rolling her eyes at him. Lance, arm in arm, singing with him. Varian’s hand in his as they slid into a room of black rocks, Cassandra, her hair blue, eyes cold, his father, pulling him into a hug, Andrew, crouching over him with the wand in his hand, Rapunzel, kissing him on their wedding day. 

_ Rapunzel, in chains, straining to reach him, fear in her eyes. Varian, eyes wide as he was dragged away. Useless, useless, useless, he couldn’t protect, could do nothing but bleed as his loved ones were pulled away from him.  _

_ “I will  _ never _ stop fighting you, for the rest of my life! But if you let me heal him…”  _

_ “I”m more use to you alive. But if you kill Eugene I won’t do  _ anything _ to help you.”  _

_ Useless, useless, useless he couldn’t stop them. Couldn't  _ save _ them.  _

He shook his head, blinking, trying to make sense of everything. The memories vanished almost as soon as they flashed through him and he blinked rapidly, trying to stay present. 

He forced the memories back, focusing on the now, on the man in front of him and the boy crouched a few paces away. 

“It’s over, Andrew,” he said, keeping his voice even. “Your people are being captured as we speak, give it up.” He was tired, tired of having to fight, tired of worrying. He just wanted this to be  _ over _ so he could focus on sorting out the muddle that was his brain. 

“Is it really?” Andrew asked. He stepped forward, eyes narrowed and Eugene glared back at him. His eyes flicked briefly towards Varian and a vicious grin slipped onto his face. “Well - you should know one thing, Fitzherbert. Traitors to Saporia pay with their lives.” 

He turned, moving too quickly for Eugene to react. He sword flashed in the air, and Eugene lunged forward - too slow. 

Varian stagged back, eyes wide, hands lifting to his chest as Andrew’s sword stabbed into him. 

“No!” Eugene shouted, lunging forward. “Varian!” 

Andrew spun, blocking his blow with his sword, Varian’s blood bright on his blade. Eugene blocked the blow, gritting his teeth and shoving forward. He gave a few wild swings until his muscle memory took over and he darted forward, quickly spinning Andrew’s weapon out of his hand. He didn’t hesitate, slamming his pommel into Andrew’s head to knock him out. 

He dropped the weapon, skidding to Varian’s side and kneeling beside the boy. Varian was gasping, Ruddiger nuzzling him worriedly. Eugene pressed his hands to the wound, heart in his mouth. 

“Hey, hey kid. Hey, I’m here. Stay with me, Varian. Stay with me.” 

“Gene?” Varian gasped, hands reaching blindly. Eugene gripped his hand with one of his own, the other pressing down on the wound. 

“I’m here - you stay with me, alright. Team Awesome sticks together.” 

A faint flicker of a smile crossed Varian’s face. 

“Y-you remember,” he muttered and Eugene squeezed his hand tightly. His eyes were shimmering, heart-pounding and he nodded. 

“Y-yeah, kid. Course I remember.” He pressed down harder on the wound, trying in vain to keep the blood inside. The moment Andrew’s sword had made contact it was as though a dam had been broken in his mind - every memory was back where it belonged and the relief at that was  _ immense _ . 

If he wasn’t crouching over the boy he loved like a brother, trying to stop him from bleeding out, he would be ecstatic over the fact. 

Varian gave a weak smile, his eyes flickering. Eugene squeezed his hand, glancing up as though help would be arriving. Moving quickly, he lifted his hands, ripping his gloves off with his teeth (wincing slightly at the sharp taste of blood). Hands bare, he stuck his fingers into his mouth and let out a piercing whistle, immediately returning to try and hold back the steady flow of blood Varian was still losing. 

“I’m sorry, Varian. I’m sorry,” he said, turning back to the boy. “I - I was the worst.”

“S’okay,” Varian muttered. He reached weakly and Eugene returned his hand to Varian’s grip, squeezing tightly. 

“Stay with me, kid,” Eugene muttered. “Stay with me.” 

~*~

“Princess!” Lance beckoned to Rapunzel frantically and she moved quickly to his side, handing the blankets she was giving out to the refugees to a maid. “There’s a rider from Old Corona, coming in fast,” Lance explained and Rapunzel took a deep breath. She didn’t hesitate, moving past him and towards the courtyard. 

“What’s the news?” she asked as she ran quickly down the steps to the courtyard, dread curling slowly in her chest. Lance followed a few paces behind. 

“Quirin requests more men, if any are available,” the messenger said, panting slightly. “He’s got the majority of the Saporians scattered, he needs men to track them down. There was an explosion, a number of wounded.” 

“Eugene?” Rapunzel asked, concern growing. 

“He’s alright, he went to try and find the engineer.” 

Rapunzel took a deep breath, nodding sharply. 

“Thank you,” she said. “Pass this news onto my father and then get yourself rested and fed. I’ll take your horse.” 

“Yes, m’lady,” the messenger said, dropping off the animal. Rapunzel petted its nose, leading it quickly to the sables where she handed it off to one of the stable hands. 

She wasn’t going to let anyone keep her behind this time. 

“Lance, I need you to stay here,” she said. He looked like he was about to protest, but she held up a hand. “M _ ake sure _ my father sends out reinforcements."

Lance nodded, helping her up onto the horse she had saddled. 

“Good luck,” he said and she gave a grim, hard smile. 

It didn’t take long to Old Corona, galloping low on her horse’s neck, Pascal gripping tightly to her shoulder. The village was in chaos, wounded being moved, Saporian prisoners wrangled. Quirin stood in the centre, directing as best he could, Max snorting out orders nearby. 

Rapunzel dropped off her horse and ran to his side. 

“Princess, thank goodness you’re here.” 

“My father will send more men soon,” she said. Quirin nodded, looking around the village, gaze moving to the nearby trees, the large area of charred grass. 

“I think you’re needed more elsewhere,” he said quietly. “Eugene went to find Varian on his own - I haven’t been able to spare men to try and track down the escaped Saporians, and Andrew at least is still out there.” 

Rapunzel nodded, feeling a twisting curling tail of fear for her husband and friend. 

“Oh,” Quirin added, waving a hand to a soldier in the distance. “You might need this.” The soldier jogged to join them, holding out a frying pan and Rapunzel took it, eyes hard. 

“Thank you,” she said. Quirin nodded, turning back to helping the wounded. 

She exchanged the horse she had ridden from the castle for Max, the stallion snorting eagerly as they rode into the forest, the frying pan cold in Rapunzel’s hand. 

Almost as soon as they entered the shadows of the trees, Max froze, flicking his ears. He snorted, stepping forward a few paces and then dropped his head, shooting off into a gallop. Rapunzel bit back a cry of surprise, gripping onto his reigns and crouching low. 

The trees flew past her in a blur and Pascal let out a cry of fear as she ducked under a branch. Finally, Max skidded to a stop, snorting. 

Rapunzel lifted her head, tossing hair out of her eyes and took in the scene. 

There were three figures - Andrew, groaning and half-conscious on the ground. Eugene, crouching over a still form. And Varian, motionless and bloody. 

Eugene looked up as they arrived, relief washing over him. 

“Rapunzel,” he said, his voice catching for a moment. Rapunzel hurried to his side, taking in Varian’s state. His face was pale and the bloodstain on his chest was worryingly large. 

“Get him to safety,” she said, forcing down the terror she felt. Andrew groaned again and she narrowed her eyes, gripping the pan tightly. 

“He - he needs help - I - I don’t know.” Eugene’s voice quavered and Rapunzel felt like she was cracking at the sound of it. She took a deep breath, slipping into the role of princess for the moment. 

“Quirin has medics set up at Old Corona,” she said quickly. “Max! Get them to safety.” The horse snorted, stepping smartly up towards them. Eugene blinked, glancing between Varian and Max. 

“Safety,” he muttered, and Rapunzel felt her heart clench at the state he was in. He was covered in cuts and bruises and burns, his eyes unable to focus. She knelt beside him for a moment, laying her hands on his shoulders. 

“Max will take you to safety, alright, Eugene? He needs help -  _ now _ . Go.” 

Eugene nodded slowly, taking a shaky breath. 

“What about you?” he asked. Rapunzel gripped her pan and glanced quickly to where Andrew was still groaning. 

“I’ll be  _ fine _ ,” she said. “Now  _ go!”  _

It was enough to spur Eugene into action. He picked up Varian, the boy whimpering slightly as he did (that was a good sign, Rapunzel told herself. That meant he was still alive.) 

She watched until they were settled onto Max’s back, carefully holding Pascal up to scramble onto Eugene’s shoulder. Ruddiger bounded up onto Max’s shoulder, curling up close to Varian, softly chirping a comforting sound. 

“Get them to safety,” she ordered the animals, and they nodded. Max gave a brief snort and shot off into the trees, Eugene low over his back, Varian curled in front of him. 

Rapunzel turned back to face Andrew, stepping forward, the frying pan firm in her hand. Andrew stumbled to his feet, shaking his head and scowling as he turned to face her. 

“We need to  _ talk _ ,” Rapunzel said, her voice cold. 

Andrew smirked, eyes scanning the ground until he located one of the swords lying abandoned. Rapunzel allowed him to pick it up, watching him, the cold pit in her chest hard. 

“You know, I’ve been wanting to ta-” 

“No,” Rapunzel growled, pointing the pan at him. “You don’t  _ get _ to talk. Not after what you’ve done.” She stepped forward, anger burning hot inside her chest. “You are going to listen to me.” 

Andrew paused a moment, seeming taken aback but shrugged, spreading an arm out as though allowing her to go ahead. Rapunzel stepped forward again. 

“You have hurt my family long enough,” she said quietly. “You stole Eugene’s memories, you’ve nearly killed Varian. You’ve hurt and attacked my kingdom. I’m not going to let you hurt  _ anyone else _ .” 

“Not going to  _ let me _ , Princess please - I’d like to see you t-” 

Rapunzel cut him off with a snarl, lunging forward with the pan. He started, scrambling back a pace and lifted his sword, lunging forward. She blocked the blow with the pan easily, spinning it to one side. 

Back and forth they danced, Rapunzel deceptively calm, holding back the swirling storm of rage and fear she was feeling. She slammed the pan into Andrew’s wrist and he cried out, his sword flying out of his hand. 

Rapunzel stepped back, watching him, waiting, letting him pick it up again. He hesitated, only a moment, before lunging to pick it up. Again they clashed, sword and frying pan, back and forth. 

The second sword was only a few paces away, and Rapunzel let Andrew direct the fight towards it. He hooked a foot under it, flipping it into the air and catching it in his other hand, a smug light in his eye. 

Rapunzel didn’t give him a chance, slamming the pan into his chest. The sword flew from his hand and she lunged out, catching it, spinning. With a crack, the pan slammed into Andrew’s leg and he cried out, dropping to the ground. 

He collapsed, dropping his sword, one hand gripping his leg. Rapunzel stood over him, breathing heavily, sword pointed down at him. 

“No more,” she said as she caught her breath. “You’re not going to hurt anyone else.” 

With a swift and well-practised strike, she brought the frying pan down on his head, knocking him instantly unconscious. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biblical themes of forgiveness and love, in my Tangled the Series fanfiction? It's more likely than you'd think!


	6. i know that your heart is still beating, beating darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone cries a bit and everyone gets hugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than anticipated to finish up, endings are hard I don't do them often haha! Thank you so much for coming along on this ride with me, I have adored all of your comments and encouragement! Enjoy this final chapter ^-^

Varian was floating. 

He needed to do something - needed to get away. 

Find Andrew? 

No. No, not find Andrew. Andrew was bad. 

But he had to. 

He couldn’t think straight, couldn't focus on anything except the need to do… something. 

Something was wrong and he needed to wake up. Sleeping wasn’t going to help anyone. 

He had to wake up. 

Wake  _ up _ . 

A voice droned above him and he tried to focus on it. 

Andrew? 

The thought sent terror through him and he shifted, trying to get away. Andrew was bad. 

The voice returned and it didn’t sound like Andrew. 

It sounded… safe? 

He tried to open his eyes, but they were stuck shut. 

(Everything  _ hurt _ ).

He had to get away. Nowhere was safe, even if the voice above him made him feel warm and comfortable, made him feel like a child who didn’t need to worry about anything. 

(Not safe. Not safe. Not safe.) 

He shifted and groaned, trying to get away. Something pressed onto his shoulder and he started, trying to throw it off, panic rushing through him. (Touch was  _ bad _ touch meant Andrew Andrew meant  _ pain _ ). 

The comforting voice returned and he pulled away, knowing he couldn't stay. The touch was still there and the panic grew. He tried to throw it off, tried to move away but everything  _ hurt _ and he couldn't breathe. 

_ Have to get away. Andrew’s going to kill them all _ . 

Don’t touch. Get AWAY from the touch. He squirming, crying out, trying to curl into himself, away from the touch, away from the pain. 

_ Dad! I want Dad! _

Can’t have Dad. Andrew will kill them. 

Something warm pressed into him and -  _ oh _ \- that was good touch. A cold nose pressed into his chin and he instinctively wrapped his arms around the familiar shape. Ruddiger. Ruddiger was here. Ruddiger would keep watch. Ruddiger would wake him if he needed to be awake. 

He calmed, holding his friend tightly, breathing easing slowly. He couldn’t stay long - had to find Andrew - but maybe. Maybe he could sleep. Just a little. 

Ruddiger was here. That meant he was safe for now. 

~*~ 

Rapunzel’s breath was tight as she moved through the halls. She had been tense ever since her fight with Andrew, since dragging him back to Old Corona and taking charge there until reinforcements arrived. Quirin had followed Eugene and Varian back to Corona proper not long after they had returned to the village, the medics stabilizing Varian as best they could and sending him to the castle for better treatment. Not long after, the captain had brought a squad of men and the clean up hadn’t taken much longer after that. 

The sun was setting as she arrived back, feeling distant and apart from the whole world. She wanted to curl up and sleep for a week, but she needed to make sure Varian and Eugene were alright first. 

Eugene was sitting up in one of the infirmary beds, talking quietly with Lance as she entered. Rapunzel couldn’t help but relax a little as she caught sight of them, a strange sense of normality despite the scratches on Eugene’s face and bandages on his arms. 

They looked up as they saw her, and Eugene’s face softened. Pascal, half asleep on his shoulder blinked his eyes open and chirped a greeting. 

“Welcome back, Princess,” Lance said, stepping back from Eugene’s bed to give her room. Rapunzel forced a small smile, still feeling strangely distant. 

“Thank you, Lance,” she said. “For everything.” A simple thank you didn’t seem nearly enough - she didn’t know what she would have done without Lance, without him helping Eugene. 

“Happy to help,” Lance said. 

“Hey, uh, Lance - do you mind if…” Eugene began and Lance started, glancing back at him and grinning. 

“Of course, I’ll leave you to it,” he said, slapping Eugene gently on the back. “Princess.” He picked her hand up briefly and ducked his head towards it before turning to leave the room. The part of Rapunzel that could still feel anything couldn’t help but be a little grateful - as much as she loved Lance she wanted some time with just Eugene. 

He smiled up at her, reaching a hand up to Pascal. He crawled sleepily onto Eugene’s hand and was relocated to the bedside table, yawning widely and settling back into sleep. 

“Are you alright?” Rapunzel finally asked. Eugene shrugged, leaning back heavily. 

“I’ll be fine. Slight concussion, some minor burns, few scratches, bit of shock as well - nothing too serious.” 

“That sounds serious,” she said, raising an eyebrow and he smiled slightly. 

“Nothing that time won’t fix.” His eyes drifted, lingering to the door where Rapunzel knew the more serious cases were kept. 

“Is he…” she trailed off, hesitating, and sat on the bed beside Eugene. 

“Quirin’s in there with him now,” Eugene said. “He’s stabilized. The doctor said he’s likely to pull through.” 

Rapunzel nodded, unable to fully process it. She still felt hollow, numb, empty. 

Eugene reached forward and picked up her hand and she started, turning to look at him. His face was soft, eyebrows raised in concern. 

“Hey, we’re going to be alright, Sunshine.” 

She blinked and it all came crashing down on her. The stress and worry of the past few weeks, the concern for Eugene, for Varian, for her kingdom. The fear that she would lose everything she held dear. 

And suddenly, she was sobbing. Eugene leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close and she curled into him, holding him, crying. For a long time, she didn’t move, just relaxed into Eugene’s warm embrace and let it all out. 

Finally, she felt the sobs die down and leaned into Eugene, closing her eyes and just breathing in his presence. 

“I love you,” she whispered, and she felt him laugh softly. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

“I love you too, Rapunzel,” he said quietly. 

“So…” she shifted, looking up at him, not missing his own wet eyes. “Does this mean you remember?” 

He smiled, nodding slowly. 

“Between Varian breaking the wand and…” he trailed off, glancing towards the door again. “Well, it was enough to jumpstart my memory. Somethings are still a little fuzzy though - birds? Did we turn into birds? I feel like that can’t be an actual memory.” 

Rapunzel laughed, snuggling closer into him. He leaned back and she curled up against him, tucking her legs up onto the bed. 

“It was a weird day,” she said. She closed her eyes and began to relax, but she could tell that Eugene was tense, that something was bothering him. She opened her eyes again and waited. 

“I - I couldn’t protect him,” Eugene said after a moment’s silence. Rapunzel shifted to see his face but he didn’t meet her eyes, staring at nothing. “In the cave, in the forest, I - I let him down.” 

“No,” Rapunzel said. She pushed herself up onto one arm, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. “You saved his life - you saved the kingdom, Eugene. Don’t you  _ dare _ blame yourself.” 

Eugene pushed himself up as well, wincing slightly as he did, and met her gaze for only a second before dropping his eyes. 

“Andrew wanted us for information,” he said quietly. “And… I  _ told _ him, Rapunzel.” His voice shook slightly as he spoke, still unable to meet her eyes. “I told him where we were vulnerable. That’s how he was able to strike where we were weak, able to get under the wall, to stay hidden.” He turned away and Rapunzel squeezed his shoulder, sensing he wasn’t finished yet. “And even then, I couldn’t protect Varian. He could have died - he nearly  _ did _ . Not to mention whatever they did to him before we found him.” He shook his head, blinking rapidly. “I let everyone down. I’m not fit to be the captain of the guard,” he said softly, almost too quietly for her to hear. 

“Hey,” she said quietly, gently reaching forward and turning his face towards her. “Look at me.” He grudgingly did, his familiar dark eyes she had found comfort in so many times before strangely vulnerable. “You didn’t let him down - you didn’t let anyone down. You protected Varian and saved the kingdom. Please don’t blame yourself.” 

Her voice caught as she spoke - it felt strange to be the one encouraging him. So often he had known exactly what to say when she needed, he had encouraged her when she felt like she was drowning. 

He let out a long sigh and leaned forward, burying his face in her neck. She wrapped her arms around the back of his head and pressed her face into his hair, closing her eyes. She shifted one hand down and slowly rubbed his back, holding him, comforting him. It was her turn to be there for him, and she would be, would do whatever he needed. 

“You don’t have to do anything, Eugene,” she said quietly. “You don’t have to be anyone right now. Just rest - you need it.” 

He pulled back, meeting her eyes with a small, sad smile. 

“I love you, Sunshine.” 

“I love you too,” Rapunzel said softly. He sighed, leaned back against the bed with one arm around her as they lay down together.

“Stay?” he said quietly, his voice soft and vulnerable and shaky in a way she didn’t hear often. She curled into him, closing her eyes and pressing close up against him. 

“Always,” she whispered, and he hummed, wrapping his arms around her. 

~*~

Varian was warm. He lay still for a long moment, terrified that if he moved he would lose the comfortable warmth he was floating in. Ruddiger was curled up beside him, warm and comfortable and safe and he never wanted to leave. But something was nagging at the back of his mind, telling him he needed to move. 

Andrew. 

He started, trying to sit up but falling back with a cry of pain. Everything  _ hurt _ . 

“Easy, Varian.” 

A soft, familiar voice sounded from beside him and his father appeared, laying a hand on his shoulder. Varian stiffened at the touch for a second before leaning into it, tears pricking his eyes. 

“Daddy?” 

“Hey, kiddo,” Quirin said, carefully helping him to sit up. He winched, his side twinging in protest. “Take it easy, you had a close c-” 

Ignoring the pain in his side for a moment, Varian lunged forward, wrapping his arms around his father, pressing his face into his shirt. Quirin froze for a moment before wrapping his arms around Varian, holding him tightly, and this time the tears fell. 

Dad was here. Dad was  _ here _ and he could relax. His shoulders shook as he clung to his father, sobbing silently. 

“Hey, Varian. I’ve got you,” Quirin muttered softly, and despite the nagging need to do  _ something _ Varian let himself relax, swimming back into the warm darkness. 

  
  


_ Faces swirled in front of him, moving so quickly he couldn’t quite keep up. He stumbled back a pace, breathing rapidly as he tripped over uneven ground and his leg gave out underneath him.  _

_ He was trapped, trapped on the ground, trapped by the laughing, sneering faces. One stepped forward, solidifying itself into a recognisable figure - Andrew, a sword in his hand, an evil glint to his eyes.  _

_ “Traitors to Saporia pay with their lives,” he said, smiling unnaturally wide. He lunged forward and Varian flinched, tried to crawl back, throwing his hand up to protect himself.  _

_ But suddenly Eugene was there, standing in front of him, blood slowly spreading from his chest and Varian couldn’t  _ move _. He tried to scream, tried to run, tried to help but he couldn’t move, his leg refused to support his weight and everything felt like led.  _

_ And then - and then he heard something. A soft, soothing song, wordless for the moment, drifting into his dream like a warm breeze. His beating heart slowed and the song carried away the images, carried away the fear.  _

Varian woke to the sound of Rapunzel singing. She was sitting on the bed beside him, one arm wrapped around his shoulders, the other hand holding his. He blinked sluggishly a few times, not wanting her to stop. She smiled briefly as she saw he was awake and continued singing, her voice soft and soothing and Varian felt himself relax, tension from his nightmare fading

He didn’t have the energy to sit up as she finished the song, but he didn’t have too. She finished the song and pulled him close, her arms warm and strong around him. 

“Welcome home,” she said softly and Varian couldn’t help but smile, despite the lingering fear from the nightmare. It was surreal, waking up to safety - to warmth, to his family. He wanted to stay here forever, but he wasn’t sure if he could - wasn’t sure if he was able to fully relax. 

With a flash of panic, he realized he  _ couldn’t _ . He couldn’t stay, he couldn’t relax and he pushed himself away from Rapunzel, shaking. 

“Varian?” Rapunzel asked, concern in her voice. He collapsed back against the pillows and she squeezed his hand tightly. He shut his eyes tightly but the image of Andrew’s grinning face flashed through his mind and he shuddered. “It was just a nightmare, you’re safe,” she said evenly and Varian  _ wished _ he could believe her. 

But in his experience, nightmares came true. 

“Andrew,” he muttered, opening his eyes again. “He - he… he’s going - going to kill,” he was struggling to form thoughts, his head foggy and body weak. Ruddiger crawled up to his head, nosing him softly and that was enough to make him calm down a little. 

“Andrew is currently in a cell,” Rapunzel said evenly. She leaned forward and helped Varian to sit up, crossing her legs as she sat on the bed beside him. “He’s waiting trial - and  _ trust me _ when I say he’s not going to get off easily.” 

Varian saw the light in her eyes, the anger he had once seen directed at himself. It was strange - that same protective rage was now directed at those who had hurt him and he wasn’t quite sure how to feel. 

Safer. That’s how he felt. 

“Thank you,” he said softly, because that was all he could think to say. Rapunzel smiled, then leaned forward and pulled him into a hug. He shut his eyes tightly, wrapping his arms around her and breathing in her warmth. 

“I was so worried,” she said quietly. 

For a long time, neither of them said anything, they just held each other. Finally, Varian pulled back, dropping onto the pillows again, still feeling achy and tired. 

“How long was I asleep?” he asked. He could feel the pull of sleep again and knew he didn’t have the energy to stay awake for long. He didn’t  _ want _ to sleep, didn’t want to risk the nightmares again, didn’t want to leave Rapunzel’s comforting warmth. 

“You were fighting a fever for a few days,” she said quietly, twisting her hair with a finger. “It broke about a day ago.” 

He nodded, blinking heavily, trying to fight sleep. There was more - so much more. He wanted to talk to Rapunzel, to apologise for worrying her, to ask how she had been because he knew it couldn’t have been easy. He wanted to ask if Eugene was alright, if the Kingdom was okay. 

But he was so tired, and he knew his body needed the rest. That didn’t make it anymore likeable. 

“Andrew’s gone?” he asked again, wanting to be  _ sure _ . Because if he wasn’t gone, then Varian was going to have to do something. 

But Rapunzel nodded, a sadness in her eyes as she leaned forward. 

“He’s not going to hurt you or anyone else again,” she said, and she reached forward to hold his hand. “Hunting down the last of his followers is our number one priority, okay? You’re safe.” 

He wanted to believe it, but he wasn’t sure. Andrew wasn’t someone to underestimate. But he trusted Rapunzel, trusted that she would keep him safe. 

Her last comment sparked something in his mind, something important he needed to say before he slept again. 

“Juniper,” he muttered and Rapunzel frowned slightly. 

“She’s one of Andrew’s Saporians, right?” she asked and he nodded, trying to push himself up again but gave up. “We haven’t found her yet - but don’t worry, we will. We won’t let any of them escape, okay?” 

“No,” he said quietly, trying to make her understand. “She helped me. Needs help.” 

Rapunzel squeezed his hand and again and nodded. Varian smiled slightly, trusting she understood, trusting she would keep him safe. 

And finally, he could fight the sleep no more and he surrendered to the darkness. 

The next time he woke it was dark. He blinked, staring up at the ceiling, trying to make his sluggish brain work. Ruddiger, sensing he was awake chirped softly and he rubbed the raccoon’s fur. His mind was thick and he couldn't quite remember what was important. Because something was important, and he needed to remember, even if the soft echoes of a song slung to his mind, even if he didn't want to _think_ at the moment. 

A soft sound came from beside him and Varian shifted his head, making out the silhouette of a form, asleep in the chair beside his bed. 

“Dad?” he called softly, and the figure started, shifting and moving. 

“Hey, Varian. How’re you feeling?” 

“I - I don’t know,” Varian muttered. He shifted and groaned, head spinning, side flaring in pain. Something was wrong. 

“It was touch and go there. You really had me worried, kid.” His father reached across the bed to pick up his hand, his face tired in the moonlight. 

“Sorry,” Varian muttered, still trying to figure out what he needed to do. 

“Don’t apologise. I’m just -” he cut himself off, voice tight. “I’m just glad you’re safe.” 

Safe, safe, he wasn’t safe, no one was safe they weren’t  _ safe _ . 

He started, pushing himself up, heart beating quickly. 

“I can’t stay,” he muttered. 

“Woah, hey, Varian, hold up,” his father said, laying a hand on his shoulder. Varian shook his head, throwing it off, side screaming in protest (it hurt it hurt it  _ hurt _ but he couldn’t stay.)

“Andrew - he, he’s going - he’s going to kill -” 

“Varian, calm down, breathe, it’s alright. Andrew isn’t going to hurt you.” Quirin laid his hands on Varian’s shoulders and the boy looked up at him, shaking, eyes filled with tears. 

“No, no, he’s going to kill Eugene. He - he’s going to hurt -” He cut himself off, a wave of pain washing through him and he whimpered, curling an arm around his stomach. “I have to go.” 

“No, Varian, look at me,” Quirin’s voice was soft but firm and Varian looked up at his father through blurry eyes. “Andrew is currently locked in a cell - alright? He’s not going to hurt you. He’s not going to hurt anyone.” 

Varian blinked, taking a shaky breath, Andrew’s threat replaying in his mind. 

“You’re safe, Varian. Everyone is safe - alright? Believe me, you’re  _ safe _ .” He leaned forward, wrapping Varian in a hug and Varian felt tears prick his eyes. 

Safe. 

He hadn’t felt safe for a  _ long _ time. 

But t he memory of the last time he had woken up finally broke through the fog of his exhausted brain - of Rapunzel’s warmth, of her soft voice assuring him he was safe, of the security in knowing Andrew was powerless. And Dad was here, and his arms were warm and strong, and maybe he _was_ safe.

“I’m sorry, Varian,” his father said softly, his voice drifting above Varian’s head. Varian pulled himself back from the embrace slightly, surprised at the apology - he couldn’t remember a time his father had  _ ever _ apologized to him. 

“What for?” he asked softly. Quirin smiled ruefully, settling onto the bed beside him, his large, well-worn hand gripping Varian’s. 

“I let you down,” he said and there was a desperate light to his eyes that made Varian wonder just how much he had scared his father. Something uneasy twisted in his chest - he hadn’t meant to let anyone down - hadn’t meant to scare his family. 

He dropped his eyes, his free hand shifting to the familiar comfort of Ruddiger’s fur. 

“‘M sorry,” he muttered, almost without realizing what he was saying. “Didn’t mean to scare anyone.” 

“No - no don’t apologise,” Quirin said. He squeezed Varian’s hand, shaking his head slightly. “I’m your father - it’s my job to protect you, to  _ stop _ this from happening. I’m sorry I let you down.” 

Varian blinked rapidly a few times, unsure how to deal with the strangely vulnerable confession from his father. Quirin was never one for showing emotions - was never one for opening up. 

“Varian?” He looked up, meeting his father’s eyes and nodded slowly. “I - I love you - you know that, right?” 

He couldn’t stop the tears that finally started to flow as his father said the words and he nodded. 

“Of course,” he whispered. Because he  _ did _ know - he knew in the way his father reminded him to look after himself, in the way his father included him, in the way his father smiled at him, congratulated him, said he was  _ proud _ of him. He  _ knew _ his father loved him. 

But he couldn't remember the last time Quirin had told him - had said the words. 

He leaned forward and Quirin pulled him into another hug and Varian shut his eyes tightly, balling the back of his father’s shirt in his fists and losing himself in his father’s comforting arms. 

“I know I haven’t been the best father,” Quirin said softly. “I - I’ve been cold, I’ve been distant, I’ve not supported you like I should - not  _ trusted _ you like I should. And I’m  _ sorry _ for that, Varian. I’m going to do better. And I’m sorry it’s taken  _ this _ to make me realize that, I-” 

Varian pulled back, rubbing an arm across his face and smiling slightly up at his father. 

“Dad,” he said, putting a stop to Quirin’s slight ramblings. “I love you.” 

Because he was his father’s son and speaking about emotions didn’t come easily between them and he couldn’t remember the last time  _ he _ had said those words. But they needed to be said, even though the love was there, even though they both knew it. 

And if Quirin’s eyes were wet, if he wiped the back of his hand across his face, well - Varian wasn’t going to tell anyone. 

The display of emotions left him strangely exhausted, drained, weak and he lay back on his pillows, shutting his eyes against a wave of pain. He wanted to stay away, to stay with his father, to know that his father was  _ here _ and that he was safe, but he was so  _ tired _ . 

“Rest, Varian,” Quirin said quietly, his usual quiet strength quickly covering over the raw emotions Varian didn’t see him show often. Ever.

He lay a hand on Varian's shoulder and squeezed gently, smiling down at him. Ruddiger curled up beside Varian, chirping softly and Varian relaxed.

_ “Flynn Rider was having a bad day.”  _

Varian woke to the soft droning of a voice, a story echoing through his mind. 

_ “If it wasn’t murderous earls out for revenge it was bloodthirsty lords wanting to hang him. Both at the same time was frankly unfair.”  _

“Eugene?” Varian muttered, shifting slightly. The man started, looking up from the book he was reading and grinned. 

“Hey, kid,” he said. “How’re you feeling?” 

“I’ve been better,” he said. He pushed himself up and winched, dropping back. Eugene shifted, laying the book down on the bed and helping him prop himself up on pillows, Ruddiger bounded up to curl around his shoulders. 

They were silent for a moment, Varian suddenly unable to meet Eugene’s eyes, unsure of how much he remembered. The trek through the forest came back to him and he shivered, remembering the hard light in Eugene’s eyes. 

“Varian?” Eugene said quietly, and Varian looked up at him. Eugene sighed, running a hand through his hair and leaning back into the chair. “I’m  _ sorry, _ kid,” he said quietly. “I -” he let out a long breath, dropping his hands and shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have let that happen. Shouldn’t have treated you like that. I’m  _ sorry _ . Forgive me?”

Varian felt tears prick his eyes, picking at the edge of his covers. 

“Of  _ course _ I forgive you,” he said, looking up again. “You’re my friend - you saved my life.” He blinked, wiping a hand across his face. “I - I’m sorry I-” 

“Hey, hey, Varian.” Eugene slipped off his chair and gently held Varian’s hand. “You have nothing to apologize for, okay?  _ Nothing _ .” He reached up and wiped hair out of Varian’s face, looking him in the eye and the lump in Varian’s throat grew. “Just… don’t do that again. Sacrifice yourself for me - don’t make me lose you like that again.” 

“M’not promising anything,” Varian muttered, unable to meet his eyes. He didn’t regret it - despite the aching of his side, the lingering fear that hadn’t fully left, the nightmares he knew were going to be frequent again. Eugene was  _ alive _ and that made it all worth it, he would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Eugene smiled slightly, sitting beside him on the edge of the bed. 

“Suppose I shouldn't expect anything more,” he said. Varian grinned quietly up at him, leaning into him and letting out a long breath. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“You’re my little brother,” Eugene said softly, wrapping an arm around him. “Course I was going to come for you, even if I didn’t remember you.” 

Varian closed his eyes, leaning into Eugene’s embrace. 

He was safe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finished! It has been a ride, and the little fic that started out as a random one-off drabble turned into a full-length fic and I did not see that coming but I'm really happy with it! Once again I just want to thank everyone who read this, those who commented and those who didn't - I really appreciate all of you! 
> 
> I might come back and edit this at some point, a couple bits I think I could write better or would change now that I know the whole story, but on a whole, I am pretty happy with this and it's the longest fanfiction I have actually finished! 
> 
> (and as an aside this didn't make it into the story but uuuh Juniper got away and eventually ran into Cass while she's off doing her finding herself sabbatical and they end up becoming BFFs and getting into shenanigans together) 
> 
> Anyway, this is finished, now I can stop procrastinating Sun and Moon AU and study, right!? (haha she says)


End file.
